Sunday, February 17, 2013
I really don't know if I've got any fight left in me anymore.
I've been trying for a month now. I've ended up sick and in pain for over half of it. The pain in my stomach has been almost unbearable.
But I've been fighting through it. I know what the cause of the pain is - at least a HUGE part of it anyway.
I got a phone call on Friday night. For those of you who don't know, Friday was my 40th birthday. It was tough enough - mainly because of everything that's been going on for the past 5 months. First I lost my brother. Then a very close friend of the family - like another grandmother. My cousins lost their child - he only survived for 10days and couldn't hold on. My grandfather died a week later.
Anyhow I've been trying to pull myself out of this rut of depression I've been falling into. Then I got that stupid phone call. It was my mother. I thought it was birthday wishes. Nope. Wrong again. My nephew passed away. On my birthday.
I just can't do this right now. I'm fried. I haven't been able to deal with my severe mood swings for the past few days. I find myself getting angry with Hubby because he can't seem to understand I need some time alone. It's not that I don't want to be with him. I need some time to grieve - to work through these losses. It's becoming a fight. I just can't hold it together anymore. I can't keep pretending everything's okay.
No wonder my stomach won't stop hurting.