Sunday, February 17, 2013
Today I joined sparkpeople. I spent all day reading everyone's success stories, their trials and the struggles. It really helped me to realize this is not something I can snap my fingers at and change. I cannot just wake up in the morning and be skinny. I've never been skinny a day in my entire life. I was born big and I've lived the last 31 years being big as well. I would not even know what to do with myself if I woke up skinny.
I want to be happy. More than anything else in the world, I want to know that I am making smart choices. i do not want McDonald's to control my eating habits as they have for so many years. I want to show my family that has never believed in me that I can do it. i do not need fad diets, i just need the willpower to say no.
And most of all, I want to find motivation. I have always been a lazy person with lazy habits. There is an excuse for everything I do or more accurately don't do. I am tired of excues controlling my life. I am 31 and I should be an adult. I should stop letting bad choices I've made my entire life dicate how my future will go. It's in the future, I can change it if I want to. I can effect my outcome.
I don't know if I will be able to keep up with this blog but I want to. I think it will be goal of mine to discuss weight loss, food options and life in general as the days go by. I love having access to so many supportive people, reading to listen and to really get what I am going through.
A few things to know about me. I am obese to the point of, why is she even alive still? I'm 31, 5'9 and I weigh 384 pounds. I'm fat. But this isn't even the fattest I have been. By the end of last year, I was at 415 to 420 pounds. I never write my weight out, or say it out aloud. I have Type 2 Diabetes, which luckily is not as severe as some people's. I do not even need medication for it. I have tried working out, I have tried diets and I simply do not have motiviation. That is why I have decided to try a blog again. I am going to write about my thoughts as I try new foods and recipes.
I am married for five and a half years to a man who loves me just the way I am. However, in all of his time loving me, he's gained to an unhealthy weight as well. We both have Sleep Apnea and would rather drive the block then walk it.
I don't know how soon excercise will come but my goal is when I get to 350. When I was younger, I had more self confidence then I should have had. I never thought of myself as obese or disgusting. I don't know if i would rather have those days of denial back or not. Oh well, lets' see where this adventure takes us, shall we?