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How do you deal with negative people?

Sunday, February 17, 2013

It's easy to get rid of friends that are negative, but there are other people that you can't just cut out of your life easily.

There's the relative that you end up seeing at required holidays. Fortunately you don't have to see them every day, but you do end up seeing them at holidays. I'm not necessarily talking 3rd cousins once removed, it's more likely to be siblings, parents or children. You're required to see them occasionally and your blood pressure always comes up around them and you just don't like being around them. Words are often said and feelings are frequently hurt.

I'd love to say just stop seeing them, but due to extended family, you end up being there anyhow. They're the ones that just don't get that their actions are the ones that always bring the stress and conflict around. Yep, I have one of those... If you've read back far enough, you probably can figure out who, but I'm not going to bring up names today.

Fortunately you're not usually required to see them every week, it tends to be a holiday thing, but that brings the extra food around too. Do you end up stress eating around them? I'm not sure why I always feel like I need to be careful around the feelings of this one, but it seems that everything I do is wrong, even if I'm trying to be nice.

So I give up on being nice. I'm just going to be me and if this person doesn't like it, tough. I'm done with the "looks" and the snide remarks. I refuse to stay in their presence any longer than I have to. I will get up and go if things start up. I won't stay to get hurt. I won't let my perceptions of their perceptions about me get in my way. I won't go out of my way to help them and I won't use up more energy on them than needed.

If they refuse to see what they're doing, I refuse to try to continue to help them in the little ways I've tried to. People like that aren't worth the extra energy they leech off you.

I'm not sure why I give them so much power over me and give me a migraine each time I need to see them? I'll just have to figure out how to deal with my emotions over their reactions toward me so often. I made my choices in this world and they made theirs, but we should not be judging each other in such the harsh way we do. I'm tired of the obvious judging and the perceived judging that comes toward me.

Now if only I could stop seeing them all together. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    This post shows a lot of strength in you!
    I appreciated your insight about not allowing negative people to have power over you. It sounds like you realize that their behavior stems from their own issues, not from you.
    It is so difficult when it's relatives, but as you say, you spend limited time with them.
    Best wishes!
    emoticon Sadaparibhuta
    1855 days ago
    I refuse to deal with them. I am more important than negative relatives. My health requires being in a positive environment. When I realize that it makes it easier for me to cut them out of my life. emoticon
    1855 days ago
    It looks like I'm responding to this too late in regards to your Monday night event. But, I'll throw it out there anyway, maybe you can use it in the future. I think we all have negative people in our lives and have had the situation where we want to avoid an event or a person for whatever reason. But, it often takes two to tango. Well, it always takes two to "tango", but for this I realize there are exceptions. Anyhow, the fact of the matter is that we carry along some of the negativity or burden or whatever you want to call it. We carry it with us and I think it then fuels the fire. Thus, we make future situations worse because we carry along these residual traumas or hurt feelings. But, we make this choice. Whether consciously or subconsciously, we bring a portion of that negativity into our current situation, regardless of how old or historic the residual issues are. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we can make situations better if we let go of the past and focus on the present. It isn't easy, but try it for an event or two and see what happens. Just say to yourself, I know this person has hurt me in the past, but today I'm going to wipe their slate clean for my own sanity (after all, we are carrying the slate). Then, interact carefully and watch. Treat them as a stranger or a brand new acquaintance. Keep the interaction fresh and without any historic references in your own head or verbally. The outcome may surprise you. I know it certainly surprised me more than once.
    1856 days ago
  • HOLLYM48
    It is so true that negative people suck the life right out of you. I have to deal with a few people like that on a daily basis and it is a struggle. I think that being positive or negative is a choice and I pick being positive but we can't pick for others. I think you are right to get up and leave the area or change chairs so you are not sitting by them and listening to them. Do what you have to to avoid them. And you are also right about not letting them have power over you to make you feel bad. It is hard but you are worth it.
    After a tough day with one of those people , log in to your sparkfriends and know that we are here to make you have a better day!
    You are strong, you are awesome, you are doing great and they could be jealous of you and they don't want to say anything nice to let you know how great you look!
    Those kind of people are not worth our energy.
    Have a great Monday!
    1856 days ago
  • FRAN0426
    Please let their power over you be buried, that is only making matters worse on you. They probabely know they are getting to you. Definately leave when they start putting you on edge. I am lucky that both my family and mydh family have always been a blessing to be around.
    1857 days ago
    Negativity is a choice. They made that choice and you have chosen to ignore it. I think you made the right choice. Don't let them bring you down.
    Missourians Team
    1857 days ago
    I'm sorry they have such a strong hold on you. I have several family members who have that impact, and I always get tense when I have to see them. I've tried hard to think about some redeeming quality in them, to make it more pleasant. Sometimes that works, often not. Breathe...
    1857 days ago
    I have the same issues within my own family and it can be very difficult. It is with my father who was like that the whole time I was growing up and still is. It is sad because they live far away and I can no longer visit them on my own as it is worse. One thing you need to realize is that the person who is negative is the one that has the problem. They are usually unhappy and want everyone else to feel like they do. I have had to set boundaries. It is easier when my parents come here, my Dad is not as bad on our turf. When we do visit them, sometimes we have to get a hotel and we make our visits short. It would be so much easier to cut them out of our lives but as you say, some people we can't cut out, so we have to do the best we can. Good luck to us both!
    1857 days ago
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