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Sunday, February 17, 2013

I was looking over some photos I'd put on my facebook, and came upon one to which I'd posted this. I think it will give folks a fun laugh today! I don't know who wrote this originally.

Most diets fail because we stubbornly continue to think and eat like humans. For those us who have never had any success dieting there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! Except for cats that eat like people -- such as getting lots of table scraps -- most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). The Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure as a cat. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!


Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavour as long as it cost more than seventy-five cents per can. Eat one bite of food then look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.

Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the most expensive carpet in your house.

Dinner: Catch a moth and play with it until it is almost dead. Eat one wing. Leave the rest to die.

Bedtime snack: Steal one green bean from your spouse's or partner's plate. Bat it around the floor until it goes under the refrigerator. Steal one small piece of chicken and eat half of it. Leave the other half on the sofa. Throw out the remaining gourmet cat food from the can you opened this morning.


Breakfast: Pick up the leftover chicken from the sofa. Knock it onto the carpet and bat it under the television set. Chew on the corner of the newspaper as your spouse/partner tries to read it.

Lunch: Break into the fresh French bread that you bought as your part of the dinner party on Saturday. Lick the top of it all over. Take one bite out of the middle of the loaf.

Afternoon snack: Catch a large beetle and bring it into the house. Play toss and catch with it until it is mushy and half dead. Allow it to escape under the bed.

Dinner: Open a fresh can of dark-coloured gourmet cat food -- tuna or beef works well. Eat it voraciously. Walk from your kitchen to the edge of the living room rug. Promptly throw up on the rug. Step into it as you leave. Track footprints across the entire room.


Breakfast: Drink part of the milk from your spouse's or partner's cereal bowl when no one is looking. Splatter part of it on the nearest polished aluminium appliance you can find.

Lunch: Catch a small bird and bring it into the house. Play with on top of your down filled comforter. Make sure the bird is seriously injured but not dead before you abandon it for someone else to have to deal with.

Dinner: Beg and cry until you are given some ice cream or milk in a bowl of your own. Take three licks/laps and then turn the bowl over on the floor.


Breakfast: Eat six bugs, assorted varieties, being sure to leave a collection of legs, wings, and antennae on the bathroom floor. Drink lots of water. Throw the bugs and all of the water up on your spouse's or partner's pillow.

Lunch: Remove the chicken skin from last night's chicken-to-go leftovers your spouse or partner placed in the trash can. Drag the skin across the floor several times. Chew it in a corner and then abandon.

Dinner: Open another can of expensive gourmet cat food. Select a flavour that is especially runny, like Chicken and Giblets in Gravy. Lick off all the gravy and leave the actual meat to dry and get hard.

Our Cats, Butter and Angel, planning their next barfing...

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Oh my, you have to be a cat possessor to have all that information down...before it comes up. I am sure I would lose weight on this diet. I lost my 23 yr, old cat 8 mos. ago and she would eat nothing but fish. My new Kitty only wants beef. You don't have to convince me that Kitties are finicky. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1764 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/18/2013 12:25:38 AM
    LOL! This had me laughing hard! I share my home with 2 elderly and 2 middle aged cats. I can relate to the cat miracle diet, ha ha. Thanks for sharing.
    1764 days ago
    My cat's not quite following that diet correctly and is getting a little on the heavier side! LOL! He's meowing right now for me to give him some of my chicken breast.
    1764 days ago
    oh my--- there are all kinds of diets to try-- I like the photo- is that kitty cardio?
    1764 days ago
    Chuckles. We share our house with 5 very individual and opinionated cats.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1764 days ago
    1764 days ago
    do your cats ever eat the stuff they regurgitated? mine do!
    1764 days ago
  • SISSIE21
    Love this post! Made me really laugh! I was imagining how many fitness minutes we could track on the cat miracle diet... How many calories for batting a beetle around? emoticon I emoticon emoticon !
    1764 days ago
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