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Getting up AGAIN

Sunday, February 17, 2013

I am so very tired of restarting and recommitting. A large part of my constant failure to track is in seeing no difference over years. I see no difference when I do track. I see no difference when I don't. I see only minimal difference when I exercise. I see no difference when I don't exercise.

I have been the same weight for five years. I haven't been the same size, though. My stomach has definitely gone down after having my son. And that's actually the part that frustrates most. Smaller size, but SAME WEIGHT.

I was viewing some videos from early in 2009 - four years ago. My stomach was SO much larger than it is right now. Yet, I know from my journals of the time that I was the same weight or maybe just a few pounds (as in 3-4) more. How is that at all possible??

How is it possible that I can stay the same weight no matter whether I consume 1650 calories a day (like I did in the summer) or 1300 calories a day (like I have this winter)? HOW is that at all possible?

How is it possible that I can stay the same weight no matter whether I exercise for at least 20-40 minutes daily (like I did in the summer) or not exercise at all save walking Alex to school (like this past fall and winter)?

WHY is it that as soon as my body shows any sort of actual loss, like it did on Weight Watchers or just recently when I finally conquered the chronic hunger, it lasts only for a few days until it springs right back up to the same undesirable weight with an increase in only about 200-300 calories in those days. In 4 or 5 days, that would be 800-1500 calories more. HOW can that translate to a weight gain of 6 pounds????


It can only mean that the dip to 142 or 146 weren't real losses. Then why did they occur gradually over weeks if they weren't real???

The only thing that keeps me going and trying and retrying again is the terror of gaining more if I stop. I already can't stand the way I look in most of my clothing, especially my winter coat. I don't want to keep getting bigger.

And the last thing - my health. Cancer is correlated with fat in the stomach. I have tweaked my diet so much over the years, to the point of now excluding meat most days. That fat is STILL not leaving. Why is this??? These diet changes have occurred over years and have not lapsed for any duration of time.

I am so tired of getting back up and trying again. It gets nowhere. Yet, I know that the only thing preventing further gain is doing just that. It sucks to have to work this hard to maintain an undesirable weight when all of my healthy choices aren't translating to anything but MORE weight gain if I stop.

But here I am...trying again.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thank you all for commenting. I know I need some nutrition help, but I don't even know where to begin. I asked my general physician for a recommendation on a nutritionist or program. He said he couldn't think of a better one than Weight Watchers.

    I immediately signed up for WW and lost weight within the first two months. Then it just stopped working as well. And my leader wasn't much help at all. It seemed that she didn't want to hear that the program just wasn't working for me. There was this feeling in the air of unspoken accusations that I MUST be cheating somehow. I MUST be skimming points or not tracking accurately. But that was the disheartening part. I WAS tracking accurately. I wasn't cheating. It just stopped working for me for weeks at a time. And I didn't even seek help about the plateau until its fourth week.

    Then, I took on exercise and it all went to pot after that. My hunger was already driving me crazy. After taking on a long distance walking habit, my hunger went off the charts. My leader had nothing to say about it. "Just follow the program" - that was the extent of the advice I received.

    I continued to pay for WW online for the next year, but I didn't use it because I'd lost faith in the program. It took about 18 months to gain all of the weight back. (A total loss of 13 lbs).

    This leaves me with little faith in nutritionists, I'm afraid. My biggest fear is that I'll spend a tremendous amount of money on one who will give up on me just like WW did. Insist I'm cheating when I'm not, insist that I must follow the program when I AM doing so. And I'll have to pay for weeks and weeks on end because that's how long it takes to see that a failure really IS a failure. Then only to start up again.

    How can I know for certain that the nutritionist I choose won't be yet another waste of time and money? It's not like I can know this in week's time or even a month's time. It will take at least 3-4 months of paying someone only to possibly have it all fail AGAIN.
    1858 days ago
    I pray that you find solace and maybe speaking with a nutritionist will help
    1859 days ago
    A pound of fat takes up more space than a pound of muscle. You had probably been building muscle tone while burning off fat.

    I have learned that when I track, I have to be honest and exact with what I put in my mouth. And I don't just look at the calories, but also the nutrition. I have to be very careful of sodium because a couple of years ago I was put on a BP med. I also have to watch the cholesterol/fat.

    Sometimes if you eat too FEW calories for your activity, you don't lose because your body goes into "fasting mode", lowering the metabolism.

    Spark has some very wonderful resources - informative articles - that can help you with motivation and breaking through plateaus. Take advantage of them!

    I pray that you may have success on this journey to a healthy lifestyle.
    1859 days ago
    Perhaps it is time to seek professional advice for both your nutrition and exercise. Sometimes the "devil" is in the details. I wish you success!

    1859 days ago
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