Sunday, February 17, 2013
I'm pleased to say my 2 year sparkversary was well and truly overshadowed by valentine's day this year. Well that, and having just moved house and still living in semi-chaos!
I still don't have internet at home so Mr Caffe Nero is obliging until my computer dies in a few minutes. But to be honest, there isn't that much to reflect on the last year because I've just kept on keeping. When I look back it is a little depressing how little actual progress I've made in the last year, but I'm taking the real progress as a year of consistency. No major ups or downs, no serious collapses off the wagon and ever so little by ever so little I am getting to the physique I finally want (aka no belly!)
But the real test of my consistency and everything I've learnt really started two weeks ago when I moved in with P. It's hit me in two ways. First, if I wanted to count calories properly I would have to refuse to eat with him. I certainly don't want that (especially when dinner is often ready when I get home!!) so I'm concentrating on controlling portions, making sure he has the man-size portion and I have a sensible size, balancing out any treats with salads at lunchtime at work and generally trying not to panic that I can't control everything. And it's largely working (apart from the not panicking part!) I feel like the training wheels have come off, and now I'm testing my solo wings (oops, mixed analogies!) and so far, so good. Once I have the internet back at home I hope to check back in a bit more to make sure this situation continues.
The second way this is testing me is emotionally. I don't want to go into lots of detail but this is the first time I've lived with someone (it's not the first time for him). It was most certainly the right thing to do but not having absolute control over everything in my home is a scary prospect for a control freak like me. I'm writing about this here because it feels very relevant to my health. I used to control my food (first by having too much and then by meticulously counting calories) as a way to feel in control of my life. I'm very aware of being someone who needs control and luckily P is incredibly understanding of all my strange ways I've foisted on him. It's just going to take time, and I need to be sure in the meantime that I don't start eating more rubbish in a 'this is one thing I actually can control' way.
That might not make any sense to anyone else, but I hope it does! These are exciting times and I know I can figure this out and then everything will be fabulous :-)
Thanks for listening sparkfriends!