Two days down, a billion to go...no, my life should not be a countdown. Right now, I am feeling like I am "getting through" my days though, instead of living and enjoying them. On the outside, it appears I am living and enjoying them; on the inside, there is a battle raging. I am winning the battle. I am practicing self-control and eating in range...all day long. But right now, it feels like holding a monster in a cage. It's tough. But I'm doing it. I am glad to see the day come to the end, though. And I don't think I should feel that way. I know it will get better. It's just a big change.
Isn't it funny how, to the viewing audience, no one knows or realizes what is going on inside? We just look calm, normal, in control...on the inside, we are anxious, worried, fighting the good fight, and determined. No wonder I am ready for bed at the end of the day. It's not that I've run a marathon or anything, it's just that I've held the beast of my appetite in a cage all day. Sleep is the one place where I can let go...no fight...just sleep...I don't have to worry that I will slip up and have to get back on track again. Now, I understand why getting back on track is so hard. If you were putting a beast in a cage (I envision the big blue monster from Monster's Inc...though he was a sweetheart), the hardest part of the battle WOULD be getting ahold of him and forcing him in the cage. Just like the hardest part of this battle with our appetites and eating is getting on track to begin with...getting a day or two under our belts of on-track eating.
From there, you close the door shut...it may take some pushing and shoving to get it all the way shut...a few more days of on-track eating. Then, you can drop the latch...now it's getting easier. Now put the lock on it...the beast may be swatting at you and trying to knock it from your hands...but be determined. With the lock through the latch, click it shut. A week of obedience is done. Now turn your back and walk away. Live your life in obedience and self-control, day by day. Set up a surveilance camera to watch the cage and make sure he doesn't break any bars or break the latch...keep him monitored. Keep tracking. If you see him breaking out, take measures to repair the damage before he escapes again. Check your basics...what's in place? What's not? Sleeping...tracking meals...seeking motivation...no grazing/binges...tracking progress...exercising...connec
ting...??? If anything is missing, correct it BEFORE you go off course. BEFORE he breaks out of the cage. And if he does happen to get out, put on your battle gear and fight him back in. That beast cannot rage in your life. It doesn't work. You can't co-exist. He has his place...caged up. You have your place, living a life of health and happiness.
So, right now, I am in the "holding the gate shut" phase of the battle. It is hard. But I'm doing it. The appetite will wear down and settle down. I will get the gate shut. I just have to persist...I cannot give in to it one little inch right now. I see that. This too shall pass...but only if I persist.
Hope you all are having a great weekend. I had a good day yesterday. We returned a DVD player that was not working right, had Mia's nails trimmed, and went to see a movie. We saw Safe Haven. Good flick. I had delicious grilled chicken salad for supper. I'm on track...in range. Today, I begin C25K. I'm looking forward to it. Oh, and I signed up for a 5K. It's in May...at Paul Brown Stadium. It's a Girls On The Run 5K. I'm really excited about it. I will be running with over 750 pre-teen girls and their coaches. The girls will be doing their first 5K. This program goes through 12 weeks with the girls teaching them self-esteem and healthy living through walking and running. I had never heard of it before. It's nationwide. It seemed like a "safe" environment for me to try my hand at running MY first 5K. So, we'll see.
Keep up the good work! Thanks for the encouragement! Spark on!