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Losing ... Gaining ... and Losing Again

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Saturday, February 16, 2013

Today is day 50 of my current streak!

Sorry...this blog is kind of long.

One of my Spark friends sent me a Sparkmail recently. She was upset because she had gained back 10 lbs and was thinking of giving up. She said "Its so hard to lose weight, and now I have to lose 10 lbs just to get back to where I was!"

I know how it feels to gain back weight after you've lost it. In 2005, I weighed 260 lbs and I was miserable. I decided to join a women's gym, and go on a diet. The diet I was on was not very was way too low in calories, and it was nothing that I could sustain. It was not a lifestyle change. It was a temporary, extreme diet, only meant to help me take off the pounds as rapidly as possible.

In less than 9 months, I lost 86 lbs. Even though I'd been going to a women's gym, I hadn't really pushed myself very much during my workouts, so I hadn't built much muscle or firmed up. Basically, I just looked like a smaller bag of fat. But I was content. I was down to a size 10, and for the first time in years, I didn't have to shop in the plus size department anymore. To me, that was all I cared about.

But once I got down to my goal size, I quit dieting. I started eating more and more...and it wasn't healthy food. I hid my unhealthy eating habits from everyone...but the weight started to come back on, and I sure couldn't hide that! My size 10 clothes got too tight, and I had to go back up to size 12. Then those clothes got too tight, and I had to go up another size, and another, and another. As I went up in sizes, I would put my smaller clothes in the spare bedroom closet. I kept telling myself that I would be able to wear them again someday. But I didn't do anything to lose the weight. I just kept eating. Finally, I ended up right back where I started, at 260 lbs.

It didn't end there, though. The weight kept coming on...and on...and on. I ended up gaining back not only the 86 lbs I'd lost, but also 26 pounds MORE. I was so ashamed. I'd lost 86 pounds...and then GAINED 112 back! I weighed 286 lbs and I felt like giving up. And for a while, I did just that. I gave up, and told myself that I was just destined to be obese for the rest of my life. I knew that the weight would ultimately shorten my life, but I lied to myself and said that I didn't care.

But I did care. I was so tired of looking bad and feeling bad every day. I was tired of aching knees. I was tired of huffing and puffing from the slightest effort. I was tired of being embarrassed by my size. I could list a hundred things more that I was tired of...but to sum it all up, I was just tired of not fully living my life! I finally decided that I didn't want to be trapped in an obese, unhealthy body anymore.

So last March, I got started. To keep from getting overwhelmed by how much weight I would have to lose, I decided to stop focusing on the scale. I got my starting weigh in, and after that I got rid of the scale. Instead of worrying about the numbers, I would just concern myself with being as healthy as I possibly could.

I didn't go on a diet this time. I went on a "Live it." I decided to treat food as fuel for my body, and I wanted to give my body the best fuel possible. So every day became a personal challenge, to eat as healthy as I possibly could. It was so hard at first, but at the end of each day, I was so proud of myself for sticking to my plan and for treating my body with respect.

And when it came to exercise, I made a promise to myself that I would not just pick an 'easy' workout that barely made me break a sweat. I knew I had to push myself. At first, I could barely get through a 15 minute workout, but I forced myself to do it and to give my BEST effort for those 15 minutes. From those 15 minutes, my workout time gradually increased. Even better, my workout INTENSITY increased, too. From barely being able to do step touches and marching in place, I gradually worked up to more and more. I found myself doing exercises that I never even imagined myself being able to do.

I found that I love doing yoga, for one thing! Some of the poses were so difficult at first, but as time went by and the weight started to come off, I found that I could get deeper into the poses and that I could hold them better. I felt my muscles starting to firm up, and I started to get stronger and stronger. My endurance, energy and stamina increased. When I finally got back on the scale again in September, I found I'd lost 71 lbs!

I still have a lot of weight to lose, but I don't even worry about that. I know it will happen, as long as I keep working hard. But my main focus will always be on being as healthy as I possibly can be. And thanks to all the exercise that I do, my body is really firming up. When I reach my goal size this time, I won't just look like a smaller bag of fat. I will be firm and toned.

So if you have lost weight and gained some back, please don't give up. Get yourself back in control NOW. Don't gain it all back (and more) like I did. Get back on track today, and be proud of yourself for not throwing in the towel.

"No matter how far you have gone down a wrong road, turn back." (Peruvian Proverb)

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thanks so, so much! I had lost 75 lbs and have now gained 20 of it back over the last 6 months. I feel so bloated and frustrated. Thanks for reminding me that I'm not alone. I hope it eventually gets easier to make the right choices because I am worn out from this journey.
    630 days ago
    emoticon Pixie u r awesome & don't forget it! Have a great weekend SparkSister!
    1077 days ago
    Great blog. I enjoy each one when I have time to sit and read them
    1231 days ago
    great work very inspiring
    1266 days ago
    I needed to read this today! Life seems to have gotten in the way of me taking care of myself and I have gained back 19lbs. Yesterday was my first day back to Spark and on track. I feel better already knowing I am making healthy choices again.
    1304 days ago
    you go girl. Like you, I get frustrated. You have given me hope. I actually bought an outfit which I found on sale. It is a couple sizes too small, but I have hung it in my closet where I can look at it every day to remind me of my goal. I have been exercising and eating better, but the scale is not moving. So frustrating.
    1310 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1310 days ago
    Been there done that several times. Now that I'm over 40, its really hard. Been getting really frustrated. Thank You for the blog, it opened my eyes that it can be done & not to give up.
    1311 days ago
    Wow, I loved reading this post...The story of my life. I had already lost 40 pounds and was amazed that I fit into a size 10 three months ago. But then, I started to gain it back, more than half of it to be exact. my goal is 80 pounds off and I didn't even get halfway and turned back. But I really have to get off my butt and work even harder now. Discipline isn't fun but it's what we all need to lose weight. Great job again for this post and I hope the best for you!
    1312 days ago
    Bravo!!!, keep up the good work, so inspiring.
    1312 days ago
    1312 days ago
    Thank you for this blog, two years ago, I lost 40 lbs, then I gained 50, I was humiiliated and ashamed. Now I am back on track too and I love reading your blogs! emoticon
    1313 days ago
    I love, love, loved this blog. Thank you for speaking TRUTH! We should all be on a LIVE-IT! emoticon
    1313 days ago
    Thank you for sharing your journey. I like the mental shift to health instead of weightloss. It is all in our minds, after all. We all know you can't do it until your head's in the right place. Thanks for helping me move mine in the right direction.

    1314 days ago
  • CUPKAKE137
    Great blog!
    1314 days ago
    Thanks for sharing your story and the reminder that it's never too late!
    1315 days ago
    Thank you for sharing. This blog really spoke to me. It's a reminder to never give up and keep on striving to reach my goals and to continue to take one day at a time.
    Thank you emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1315 days ago
  • 1954MARG
    Well done. I especially liked the diet/live it remark. Thanks!
    1315 days ago
    Commitment makes all the difference for everyone and is apparent in your story! Great job!!
    1315 days ago
    I pretty much dealt with the same issue in the past month! It's great and motivating to know you are not alone! Good job Pixie! Keep keeping on! emoticon
    1315 days ago
  • DIETER27
    Thank you for your blog. You have encouraged me to keep pushing and work harder to achieve better results on my weight loss plan. Thanks so much ... Have a nice day!
    1315 days ago
  • VALYNN26
    Great blog! Loved it. So inspirational! emoticon emoticon
    1315 days ago
    Awesome blog. You are an inspiration. Thankyou.
    1315 days ago
    You have inspired me in more ways than I can count. Thank you.

    Congratulations on your success at living.

    1315 days ago
    1315 days ago
  • ILOVEME2012
    Thank you for the inspiration. It's good to know that someone can relate to what you are dealing with. emoticon
    1316 days ago
    Awesome blog, words I really needed to hear. I too, will lose weight only to gain it back again. I am still struggling to get back on the losing weight side again.

    Thank you for sharing your experience. I feel encouraged to try again!!
    1316 days ago
    Thak you Pixie for this wonderful blog. It was a great help I have been so discouraged that I haven't been loseing any weight I hadn't given up yet but was thinking about just giving up. But with your wonderful words of encourgment I will continue on emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1316 days ago
    Congratulations. I've also had the journey up and down. I didn't give up either and now I'm 25 lbs. from my goal....again. I'm doing it this time, because I made many changes that work so much better for me than what I'd been doing the last time around. You should be so proud of what you've learned and how you've applied it to moving forward with your health and your life.
    1316 days ago
    great post, thank you
    1316 days ago
  • MARJA40
    Thanks! Great post.
    1316 days ago
    This couldn't have come at a better time. emoticon I weighed 192 and then got on the scale (only because the routine checkup at my doctor's office required it) and now my weight is 208. It is pretty good considering what all has gone on in my life lately. I thank you for the encouragement-especially right now! I am getting back on track! emoticon
    1316 days ago
    I once did a weight loss challenge at a gym. Of course the couple doing the challenge were distributors of some "health" and "weightloss" supplements. I'd say 2/3 of the people doing the challenge bought some of the supplements. Of course at the end of the 6 week challenge some of them had lost an unhealthy amount of weight for such a short period. Of course they were thrilled.

    I lost about 8 pounds during that challenge. And 2 weeks of it, I couldn't exercise because I had bronchitis, and my doctor said rest.

    The reason I'm telling you this, is because, I, too, have decided to eat and be healthy. I didn't buy their protein shakes and power bars, but I still lost weight. Maybe not as much, but I've kept it off. The gym has since closed. I wonder if the winners of that challenge have kept off their weight too?

    emoticon emoticon
    1316 days ago
  • PAULA3420
    emoticon Hi Pixie,

    I loved your blog, and found so much inspiration in it. emoticon And, then I read one of the comments here and I have a light bulb burning in my head.

    emoticon "Remember today is NOT Thursday, it is the REST of YOUR LIFE!! I'm making a sign to post this on my bath mirror so it is the FIRST THING I SEE IN the morning. emoticon and Thanks again and again,
    1316 days ago
    I have been zig zagging - thank you for a fresh breath of air and truth.
    1316 days ago
    Wow... this is just what I needed today, Thank you! The scale is going by-by for awhile. I seem to depend too much on the "number".

    Thanks again for your inspiration!
    1316 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    emoticon for posting such an incredible blog !
    Very inspiring !
    1316 days ago
    Such a story of determination and perseverance! Thank you for sharing your journey. Keep on keepin' on!
    1316 days ago
    Congratulations! Awesome job! Really great (and inspiring) blog. Thanks!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1316 days ago
  • TINY67
    emoticon Blog emoticon
    1316 days ago
    Good for you.
    1316 days ago
    Perfect timing for this blog. I had lost 50 pounds, and regained 10. Stopping that TODAY!!! Thank you!!

    1316 days ago
  • DNRAE1
    I'm so glad I read your post today. I recently gained back 10 pounds in a month, that it had taken me 3 months to lose! It was tempting to quit, but I got rid of the junk food, back to the gym, and started tracking again on SP. It isn't easy, but there is no way I want to go back to where I was, so I knew I had to do it! I'm already down 3 of those 10 pounds, and am determined to focus on my good living habits again.

    Thanks again, Pixie. Great blog.
    1316 days ago
    Congratulations on making all the rght changes this time and never giving up on yourself. Keep on doing what you're doing and you will reach your goal. Well done!!
    1316 days ago
    Very inspiring! I think I need to work out why I can hear the wise me saying, 'no, don't eat that chocolate, after so long off it, it will be so hard to get off it again' and the stupid me just goes ahead and eats it anyway. And wise self was right, so much harder to stop again (Yeah, thanks Christmas _ )
    1316 days ago
    Great post!!!
    1316 days ago
  • DW33412
    1316 days ago
    1316 days ago
    Great blog!
    1316 days ago
    Thank you for sharing! I lost 63 and put back on 35! Yikes! Your story has motivated me to get back to my healthy life style. Thank you!!!!!!!!! emoticon
    1316 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.