I'm VERY PROUD of the successes I've achieved in my personal life since I've embarked on my WLS journey
My successes have been both mental
as well as physical
Of course I'm not done with my quest for perfection- um, I mean self-improvement
Before starting my WLS journey in Dec 2011, my focus was ALWAYS on putting all of my energy and efforts into helping others be successful. Most offen at big expense to myself in term of my $, time, energy, reputation, etc. I considered THEIR success to be MY success.
Now a little of this thinking can certainly be a good thing for everyone. Trouble is, I NEVER do ANYTHING 'a little'. Jokingly (and not), my go-to reference when describing my behaviors is: "I'm a compulsive over-(fill in the blank here)." Compulsive: over-eater, over-achiever, over-planner, over-controller--- you get the drift. In my outside relationships, I have been told I am the 'model' student, parent, wife, daughter, sister, friend, exemplary employee, etc. What a 'wonderful' (and costly) way to cover up and hide what's really going on inside me.
Unfortunately, putting all my resources toward others only worked for me for a while - 51 years...
Two years ago, a month after my birthday, I received a surplus notice from work. After 10+ years of pouring my efforts, energy, time, sweat, tears into this big company's success (sooooo often at my own and my family's expense), out of the blue I was told my efforts were no longer needed/wanted and good luck in finding another position. While most of my years there were very positive and rewarding, I also endured some years of mental & verbal abuse, harrassment & emotional blackmail (fodder for another blog....)
I was a wreck both mentally and physically.
51 years old with my health in shambles. Now the outside 'empire shell' I had created was gone. Didn't matter a whit that I have advanced education degrees from two prestigious universities in the US, additional professional certifications, years of complex, relevant experience and significant performance recognitions in the business world from well known, high performing companies.
130 lbs over-weight, high blood pressure and cholesterol, GERD, adult onset asthma and borderline diabetes. The job surplus pushed me over into the realm of a nervous breakdown, major depression with suicidal thoughts. Yikes!!!
My outside facade of being a happy, successful mover and shaker crumbled away. Definitely no over-achieving or over-anything I could do could save me. I was TOTALLY BROKEN.
(This is the first time I've admitted all this stuff, both to myself, others in my life and to you, dear Sparkfriends)
By the grace of God, I pulled together some remaining shreads of self-preservation. Got myself to my doctor, found a good therapist and turned to my family and friends for help and support. Yes, I, once the pillar of strength and role model for everyone around me, had to admit that I too, have clay feet.
I humbled myself before God, my family and friends -- slowly & painfully began to re-build my life and re-invent myself.
Along the way I've found unconditional love and support from unexpected people and places
and am learning to accept and embrace what my family and others are so willing to give.
I've had to let go of some long term 'friendships' (30+ years) that were toxic to my health, well-being and sanity.
Flash forward 2 1/2 years to today:
My energy and focus is on God, myself, my family, my friends, my job - in that order. BIG reversal from the previous order: Job, family, friends, God,.........oh yeah and myself way at the end.
While my journey has been far from perfect and isn't even close to completion, I've earned some achievements that merit Big Celebrations!
-- Improved Health:
Down 77 lbs, off high blood pressure, cholesterol, sleeping meds; GERD, asthma, pre-diabetes gone. Activity levels up from being a lump in a chair/couch/bed - repeat-- to walking often and energetically moving around. Thinking and acting positive and optimistically most days.
-- Improved Relationships:
Renewed friendship and deepened relationship with my dh. (24th anniversary is Monday!) Less self-imposed isolation and increased reaching out to build stronger, more balanced relationships with other family members and friends.
And the Big Disappointment???
Thursday, my boss gave me the worst performance appraisal I have EVER received in my work life.
. Again, I was totally shocked and surprised. The net: mid-year 2012, I was a very high to exceptional performer, a 'real asset to the team and a pleasure to work with". End of year, her evaluation is that my work 'mostly meets expectations', comments include that my contribution was 'minimal' and that I require 'more coaching than most'.
what to do with info? I have to admit I'm pretty devastated (but not as much as I would have been before as described above). I'll definitely have to think about this and ponder---material for another blog.
Meanwhile, I am focusing on positive stuff- my accomplishments, God, family and friends.
THANKS for your shoulders dear Sparkfriends!!