I am fat.
I am not as fat as I was last year at this point,but lets face it, I am still fat.
I try to keep a positive attitude about my body and most days I can look at it with love and admiration for all I can do with it.
I can try to think i'm looking not too bad,and even if I know it's not that pretty undressed, I look at myself dressed and try to tell myself I look good.
Because hey! I lost 55lbs!!! Right?
I even posted a picture of me in a skin tight pink gym shirt! ( I was having a great body image day that day!) After that I thought -"what we're you thinking???"
But it was already done.
Last night,after recommendation from my trainer , I took a bath in epson salt for muscle soreness. And trust me,it was needed.
Laying in a bathtub,in all my naked glory, all that fat floating about, I had an instant hatred for my body and myself for eating myself into this mess.
Even if I lose another 80 lbs, I will never look "normal" again.
And it's ugly. Very ugly.
I hated my very big , giggly and stretched marked stomach.
I hated my mishappened legs that are pretty saggy and are going to get worst with each pounds lost.
My bat wings drooping arms ( that I never really thought about them that way until I read it alot on sparks.)
And it's all my fault. Can't blame nobody else for this. Well.....I can try,but it won't help.
I've always been against plastic surgery,but it's sounding pretty good right now.
But, it's just too expensive. I just could not justify spending that much money on fixing my outside self,because,even if it's not pretty ,it still works fine.
So that is what I have to concentrate on the next few days.
Refind the love I had for my body.
Not give up on my goal of weighing 150 lbs.
Keep going to the gym to get in the best shape I can.
And never forget that I am loved from my family,not for what I look like, but for who I am and how I treat them.
Hope you're having a great "positive body image day!"