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    ROZLOUISE   5,288
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Low, low, low self esteem

Saturday, February 16, 2013

"Hello darkness my old friend..."

I'm huge. I have let my eating go out of control. I'm feeling like I will never be able to truly change. I'm terrified to step on the scale, I just don't want to know. I don't feel motivated by pictures of fit people, it just makes me think I'll never look that way. I keep saying "I'm going to go to the gym" but I don't because I don't know what I should do when I get there. I'm having some lower back pain, and I suspect its because I gained weight so quickly. I feel like trying to do exercises is going to be very painful.

I just feel ashamed. I just want to hide myself.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KENDRACARROLL 2/16/2013 1:17PM

    When I go to the gym I usually take a class. I like working out with likeminded people who share my pain :)
My favorite right now is Zumba. Great workout, totally informal, and you can really let go. (And nobody cares about your jiggle :))
Or, just jump on a treadmill or elliptical.
Or choose an outdoor activity. I love hiking; it's my drug of choice :)
(Ever check out meetup.com? Great place to find people to do stuff with.)
A good workout gets those feel-good hormones going and helps me with impulse control.
Other people's pics are just that - other people's pics.
emoticon

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MYOWNHERO 2/16/2013 11:10AM

    I've been there. So many times. Consider it a valuable learning experience.

Now put on your favorite uplifting songs and take those baby steps!

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KIMBERLY_Y 2/16/2013 11:03AM

    Don't give up on yourself! There are so many fun activities to do without going to the gym and hating it! Looking at blogs and finding some healthy recipes will inspire you to be healthy. I know about back pain and it can be very debilitating. Say yes to you and get off the couch. You can do it!!! I know you can!

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KAYOTIC 2/16/2013 11:01AM

    I read a study where looking at pictures of thin or fit women was not a helpful motivator, so maybe put those away. I think pictures of serene places, or thing you enjoy might be better motivation, what activities do you really enjoy, what places do you want to visit, or just a cuddly cute puppy picture may be more helpful motivation.

About the gym, it really doesn't matter what you do when you get there. Just go. And start something, you need to warm up anyway, so walk on a treadmill, do some jumping jacks, swim! If you don't feel like it after 10 minutes, then pack up and go home, knowing you did that 10 minutes and feel good about that. Chances are, you will realize you want more, and see something you want to do. But don't put that pressure on yourself to know ahead of time.

Are there classes at your gym? Those can be fun, and you don't have to put so much thought into it, as someone else is telling you what to do! I love my classes...

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DEBPETERS7 2/16/2013 10:40AM

  talk to me about water fasting emoticon

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KATRINAKRAUT 2/16/2013 10:37AM

    You are not alone. Just read the blogs out there. Trying to deprive ( punish) yourself? That is what dieting is! And if a photo of another person doesn't motivate you ( after all it is ANOTHER person), throw some darts at it! Figure out how to fulfill other areas of your life. Follow your passions! What makes you think, " Wow, This is crazy ass fun?".... Or "How cool. I just fed, clothed, helped another person. I made a difference!". ( get out of yourself and help someone else). But don't hole up and hide. You know that does not help. just keep reading until you find a blog that resonates with you. Look at that photo of you from Hawaii. What was going through your mind then?

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