Saturday, February 16, 2013
Knew it would happen
Why do you even bother
You've gained so much and eaten so much, just make the pancake recipe and eat it all
Why do you bother working out when you eat like that
You have no right being a fitness instructor with everything bouncing like that and being as heavy as you are
Just look at your arms and belly in that shirt
How could you have let it get to this AGAIN!
Just give up
How did this monologue come to be? I stepped on the scale this morning and from last September I have gained over 15 pounds. Like always, I know where I have gone wrong many, many times during that period and, like always, I knew it during those times, too. It's food. It's eating more because I workout. It's treating myself because it's a holiday. It's binging because I get scared, frustrated, and generally stressed out. The kicker is that I worry that if I'm not feeling stress then I'm not working hard enough or not understanding what is going on and will screw something up.
I am so concerned that I am messing up my life in such an epic way.
Not looking for any responses or keep going comments, I just wanted to put it down to check my thinking.