I am growing increasingly frustrated and discouraged. I run slow. Actually, according to what is considered running- 5mph, I don't even run! My fastest mile is about 13 minutes. That might not seem that bad, BUT it's after completing the couch to 5k program, AND working on my running for 3 years. Granted I took lonnnnnnng breaks between running programs- I feel like I should improve way more faster.

I decided to hire a personal trainer back in November, and she was meeting with me twice a week at the gym, and one day a week at the jogging track to run with me. She explained to me that some people just genetically have a harder time with running, but I've never met anyone like myself before who was just so slow to improve. Even she seemed a bit surprised with me lack of progress since she saw me every day at the gym and knew I was working out and was checking my daily food logs.

I can remember what real running feels like, because I have a memory from when I was maybe 8 of running in my grandparents backyard, and I felt free and it felt good running around. That's how I imagine it must feel like for real runners.

My next memory of running was me in the 5th or 6th grade. I was barely chubby then, and I remember our gym teacher (who in my opinion was fat) lead us all on a short jog, and I remember being shocked at how well she could run, and I was dying. All the other students had to wait for me to walk to them, and I could barely breathe. It was humiliating and shocking, because there were fat girls in my class who had no issue with our short jog. This made no sense to me then or now, because I had to walk a mile to and from school every day, so I got exercise every day, and I know for a fact that I got more exercise than a few of the other girls in my class who were overweight.

My next memory of running came in the 8th grade... the dreaded mile run... I came in 2nd to last, even behind girls larger than me and a kid who was going through chemo therapy. The PE teacher made every clap for me and a morbidly obese kid who was just 20 feet or so behind me.

Jogging has never felt comfortable to me. No matter how many times I run on a treadmill or a track my body feels clunky and heavy and awkward. My breathing, my arms, my strides, my pace, nothing feels natural or correct. It's a battle every time.

One thing I haven't really tried is doing sprints. I'm hoping I can improve my speed by walking/sprinting. I've been going to the gym about 5 days a week, for the past week. Today I tried running for like 30 seconds at 6mph before I jumped off, and I walked the rest of the time. But last week on my first day of walk/sprints I could do a lot more. Seems like I'm always able to do more in the beginning, and less and less as I go along in my programs. No idea why. Even when I am giving myself days of rest in between. I hate running.