Struggling to get it together today
Friday, February 15, 2013
I'm not doing well today. Ugh. I got overly depressed yesterday-man I hate holidays, especially ones that remind me how alone I really am. So I did what any good emotional eater does and blew off eating a healthy dinner and went to the local mini mart and got grilled cheese and curly fries. Yep, that'll fix things.
And, I made my husband one of those easy cheesecakes he likes and ate not one but two of those pieces cause we all know cheesecake appreciates me even if no one else does.
This is so silly as its not any different then any other day except I had to hear about everyone else's beautiful gifts from husbands and children. I told myself this morning to shake it off and get back to it. Nope. I didn't sleep well again and chose to drink hot chocolate for breakfast instead of protein-though I used milk. High calorie, high carb, low nutrition. Made myself get on the treadmill and felt horrible for the whole 10 minutes I could convince myself to do it.
I have this nobody is going to ever see me anyway and who cares thing running through my head-(hey, when I get down, I just dig on down). I need to care. If I want to build a new life I need to care. I need to do what's good for me. I am trying to run that through my thick head. Going to wash the dishes and try again. (I figure if I don't do the dishes first I'll just add that to the list in my head of what I should be doing while I'm walking instead). I took a St. John's Wort as well and hopefully, that will help. (I take them anyway)
My suck it up needs to wake on up and kick it in gear. I need to exercise and make good food choices. My granddaughter and son are coming to see me later today and grandma needs to pull it together.
I don't want to, but I will. Yep, I will.