This is one of my kitties, Charlie
He personifies how I'm feeling today.
I am fasting. Not because I think it will make dropping a few pounds any easier, but because I need to BE in the moment...
I want my mind to release my regrets, to let go of my worries, to remind myself of the good that has come from the bad. It's very hard to look upon something that turned negative and find the positive.
For instance, my marriage = negative. What can I find positive? Well, there's this. While looking through my photos, I found this one:
This photo ALWAYS makes me smile. Why? Because that's my brother, who's not actually my biological brother. Quick explanation---> He was born hydrocephalic, was removed from his birth home, and placed in ours. In his birth home, he was neglected to the point of almost death and we were told not to expect him to live out two weeks. That was almost 27 years ago. He is MY brother and he was in the wedding as ring bearer. So, the marriage didn't last. But, I have this picture (and many others), that make me smile. Remembering the crazy, now I can laugh, events of that day: I blackened a fake nail lighting candles in the windows and had to have my dad run out and get the correct nail polish. I was completely dressed and, you guessed it, had to pee so I had to strip completely down! I thought I looked great until I saw the photos and then realized my boobs were probably the main attention!
That is merely one event. I have many others, hysterectomy, brain surgery, spinal fusion, relationships but another time. . .maybe. If I focus on them all, I'll succumb to an overwhelming sense of failure. And, I've been through that.
The goal I am striving toward, seeking to 100% believe is just this:
The only one I can say I have fully, 100% accomplished is the first one. The others are H A R D!
This is how jumbled my mind is today. It's bouncing from one subject to another. That's okay though. Sometimes it's okay to let your mind bounce.
And just to assure you that I'm not wallowing in self-pity or in a deep depression: