Friday, February 15, 2013
This week has been a huge struggle mentally. The trip up north to the parentals left me exhausted and seriously questioning why I even bother. I specifically told everyone that lean meat and veggies would be great. We had nothing but sausage, bacon and burgers.......only veggies were some peas I dug up from the bottom of the freezer one day. My family doesn't care about my weight and does everything to sabotage the efforts. Is it because they feel guilty.....who knows. But it has left me wondering why I'm even bothering. I know all the reasons that people give.....be around for the grandkids, feel better, less pain, you know the thoughts, but to all these i ask why?? I don't get to see my grandkids.....my son doesn't speak to me, who cares if I'm healthy and live a long time, the only time family wants me around is for money or to do the things they don't want to do. Who cares if I'm in pain, even the doctors won't provide what is needed and the insurance companies deny everything anyway. I'm really tired of fighting the life. I've tried volunteering, getting active in groups all the usual stuff with no success. I'm resentful of the fact that my hubby spends more on his habits than my entire household budget leaving me with nothing extra for rewards or anything else. I'm tired of having to fight to find the money to pay the bills and yet everyone still hits me up for more. Guess what.....I finally ran out!! Bummer!! Find another sugar momma!! When you've spent your entire life giving and giving and getting nothing in return you eventually run dry. Guess I'm dried up in more ways than one. I don't just feel trapped, I really am trapped. The options are not options for me at this time. So what does it take to make them options......we'll see.