Valentine's Day (and the stress of being a lousy mom) Almost Derailed Me!
Friday, February 15, 2013
Today has been a long and tiring day, and I haven't been so close to losing it and going on a binge since I started back in August.
I couldn't fall asleep last night, but at 5am, my 10 year old came into my room and said he had a headache. I got up, got him Tylenol and settled back into bed, but I couldn't fall back to sleep. I tossed and turned until it was time to get my kids up for school at 6:45. I didn't think my son should go to school, but they were taking a field trip and having their Valentine's Day party, so he insisted he was fine.
I had planned to go to an earlier lab time so I could get home in time to go to my 7 year old's class party, but just before I was planning on leaving, my 10 year old calls from school and tells me he doesn't feel well. By the time I picked him up and got him settled in at home, I had missed the earlier lab.
I still had a slim chance of getting done on time for my regular lab, but nope. Of course this lab took the whole 3 hours, and to top it off, I wasn't feeling confident in my responses and test on the lab. Our packet had contradicting information and my instructor was no where to be found.
So, I missed the party. And to make it even worse, I get home and go into my 10 year old's room to see how he's doing (his dad was home, but sleeping... worked graveyard last night), and he burst into tears saying he felt really bad.. checked his forehead (my thermometer is broken... of course!) and he was burning up! More Tylenol. Tuck into bed with a movie. Then my 7 year old gets home and is sad because I didn't make it to his party. What a lousy mom!!
Plus, I am at least a day behind on studying for a big exam that is next Wednesday... less than a week away and I'm not even confident I know what the test is even covering! Yikes!
I didn't want to make dinner (and to top it off, I had to make 2 different dinners... one for the sickie and one for the rest of us). I wanted SOOO bad to get Thai food. I mean, come on! It's Valentine's Day! I might have actually just had Thai food, but not only is restaurant food a major trigger for me, I also was able to recognize that the only reason I was even tempted was because I was tired and stressed out. If I really want Thai food, that is one thing, but I haven't worked so hard over the past 6 months to stop emotional eating just to throw in the towel! To top it off, as I was grilling chicken, I was thinking about how this wasn't enough food, and if I got Thai, I could eat as much as I wanted. I could get nice and full! Plus, I could get red velvet cake! I LOVE red velvet cake! I stood there, cooking my grilled chicken and veggie pita, planning my binge. But, I just didn't do it. I told myself no, end of story, and I'm so glad that I did! I am SO close to Onederland... I definitely don't want to slip now!
To top it off, I was seriously grumpy with my husband; thankfully, he understood that I was stressed out and tired, so after eating dinner, he didn't complain when I spent our Valentine's evening together napping. He did tell me he was making me a shirt that said, "Grumpy when hungry," though.
However, good stuff happened today, too!
I bought my hubby and boys gifts; they were all appreciative and sweet, thanking me multiple times.
My son's teacher called and wanted to bring his Valentine's Day cards from all his classmates over after school so he wouldn't miss out! (How sweet!)
My hubby bought me chocolates (favorites that I am able to eat responsibly... I actually haven't even touched them yet, so not a trigger), a GORGEOUS new jacket, and some adorable, yet sexy lingerie. I definitely don't look sexy in it at this point, but I'm going to keep working on that!
My youngest son told me that he forgot to buy me a Valentine's Day present, but he had a special Valentine's Day hug for me.
My oldest son told my youngest son, "This was definitely not the best Valentine's Day ever!" But then, about 15 minutes later, he walked over to me, sat on my lap and said, "It might not have been the best Valentine's Day, but you made it much better, Mama!"
Aw! I love them! Maybe I'm not such a lousy mom after all!