Unconditional Love -
Thursday, February 14, 2013
A group of women in the Christian Women With Depression team is studying the book "Unglued - Making wise choices in the midst of raw emotions" by Lysa Terkeurst. I worked on our thread for chapter 3 today. It is titled "The Prisoners" and is basically about the labels that we have believed about ourselves either from others or from ourselves in the past, and how we can break free from those labels.
This is how I answered part of the question today:
The label that I had the hardest time untangling is "unloveable". I did not feel that my mother loved me. She favored my younger sister. My father died when I was 14, and left 5 children at home for my mom. My oldest sister had just gotten married, and my second oldest got married within a year. I was next. All of my life I felt that my mother did not love me, and that I could never do anything good enough for her. It was when I was in my 30's that God told me that I had to get my love from Him, and that I needed to forgive my mother for being an imperfect Mom. I did that at a communion service, that I still remember the emotions involved. Mom lived in another state, but I found it in my heart to forgive her, and God took away from me not only the anger I felt toward her, but the anger I felt in my life in general, and He flooded me with His love. God's love for me is unconditional.
When Mom was on her death bed in Nov 2007, (I was 52) my younger sister and I took turns traveling to FL to be with her in the Nursing home. When I was there, God allowed me to show and receive unconditional love to and from my mother. She had had a colostomy bag put in after intestinal/colon surgery. the nurses did not know how to deal with it properly. She was constantly dirty, because the bag would leak, and I would clean her up. I helped her to the bathroom, cleaned her false teeth, washed her feet, and cut her toe nails. And I prayed for her every day when I left to go back home. One day she was on the phone when I left and when I came the next she said "You didn't pray for me when you left yesterday" I climbed up into her bed with her and hugged her, and we shared our love for each other. God had melted my heart.
I shared God's love for her through the Gospel, but I do not know whether she had Jesus in her heart, but God allowed me to know that she loved me in what ever way she was able to, and I was able to love her. This experience has changed me, and I am thankful to know that it was a gift from God. Unconditional love from my mother.
Well thank you for the opportunity to remember it this day of Valentine's and to actually write it out.
I can well say, that I am loveable, Jesus Loves me this I know. And I am fully assured of that.