Thursday, February 14, 2013
I've been reluctant to blog about this experience because I dont really have confidence that I'll make any progress in this way. And I didn't want to blog about day 1 of juicing and then quit on day 3. And also, I really dont want to hear opinions from people telling me not to juice so please don't say that. I've done the research. But i decided i want to document the experience to remember later on.
So yeah I've lost 4lbs in 4 days but if I start eating again tomorrow, I know I'll gain it all back. My over-riding goal with this is to break my food addictions. But they are so deep rooted and far reaching, I have a hard time believing it's possible. I doubt it at least 1000 times a day as I'm going through this. And I know its going to require me sticking with it for more than a few days to accomplish that.
I guess doubt is the major theme of this juicing fast so far which should be no surprise to anyone because that's pretty much how I operate across the board. I'm always second and third and fourth guessing myself.
Right now, my head trip is why do I feel so weak? Is it just an effect of the detoxing? Is it because I'm not taking in enough calories? I've been having soup at lunch which is finely chopped veg with a TBS of miso paste and broth. I'm wondering if I'm hurting myself more by having that little bit of fiber. Also I had a smoothie yesterday. Maybe the weakness is partly because I am using some energy for digestion? I'm still working and still have my two little hurricanes to look after while I'm doing this so I thought the smoothie and soup for lunch would help me keep going. It's all raw, whole foods after all. And I'm still primarily juicing. So I don't know but it's making me a little frustrated because I had hoped by today to start feeling some of the energy I hear about. Right now, its hard to believe I'll ever have energy again. And if I didnt have the best husband on the face of the earth, I wouldn't be able to keep going. He's been helping me make the juice because its such a process and I'm just so weak!
The tiredness and weakness are my biggest problems but I'm also having issues with irritability. I'm frustrated with having to open my mouth and explain things. My kids' noise and activity level is overwhelming me more than usual. Im still really foggy, frequently spacing out when Im trying to think of words.
and adding onto the doubts, the other questions i have swirling in my head are: am i getting enough juice? too much juice? too much fruit in the juice? do i need do a salt water flush? will i want to die if i do a salt water flush? (i'm scared) and are all these symptoms proof that my body is detoxing or is it just because im not getting enough calories.
and of course I'm wondering when these ravenous cravings will go away. All I can think about is carbs. I'm worried that if I quit now, I'll have a monstrous binge. Is it possible to get past the cravings?
I cant even think straight enough to figure out if I've said everything I wanted to say. We'll see what tomorrow brings. It seems like the blogs I've read, people were coming out of the funk by day 4 so it worries me that I'm doing something wrong.
Right now my goal is to make it to saturday. I'll finish the Done Girls challenge strong and then we'll see where I'm at, if I think I can keep going. It's a lot more work than I expected it to be.