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    MISSUSRIVERRAT   7,807
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Analysis of recent binge

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Recently I had a bad day. It started with a sense of hopelessness, sadness, feeling down.
Eating quite a few potato chips seemed like a good idea at the time. Then I was thirsty so had a couple beers. That graduated to eating peanut butter with a spoon. At the time I really did not know what was causing this.

Analysis.......
After a good night's sleep I felt a little better. I have been weighing myself daily and noted that I was up 2 1/2 pounds and felt bloated. Yes, too much sodium. But, for me, I have felt that peanut were a reactive food and had been successfully avoiding them until that binge.
This just confirmed it for me and impressed upon me that I really do need to avoid peanuts in any form. Probably best to also avoid potato chips.

But, more importantly, what was the cause.....the emotional trigger? What was I trying to do?
I thought about what I was feeling and what had happened prior to this episode.
I realized that what started it off was that my husband had asked me to lift something that was too heavy for me. This happens occasionally and it is extremely frustrating to me. He just doesn't get it that I am not as strong as he is. In fact, the only real strength I have is in my legs. I did manage to help him lift this thing twice, but it wasn't without me feeling fear about having it fall on me or that it could cause back injury. Fortunately, this job got done without lasting damage to the thing or to me. I realized later how much this angered me and that I interpreted it as a lack of love for me. I also observed that he expressed disgust for me. I don't think he's going to stop asking me to do things like this until I get hurt. I know I cannot get my strength up to his expectations.....it is not humanly possible for me. This is a rather difficult thing that I will need to work through.

Moving on in the analysis......
What flashed into my mind at one point was how my Dad treated me. He had many fine points and in many ways was a wonderful father. But he was not a patient teacher. His idea of teaching me to swim was literally throwing me into the pool. Amazingly enough, I did learn to swim and actually love the water. I was shy at social occasions, and he never understood why I would not immediately make friends and bond with the children of all his friends.
He would just kind of leave me with the kids I didn't know and ignore me while he immediately socialized with the adults. I was kind of "thrown in" to the situation as well.

To summarize.....
When people that say they love us don't act in loving ways, it is hurtful. This caused me to feel frightened, angry and even ashamed of who I was. To my way of thinking, because my husband and my Dad did not act in ways that honored and protected me as an individual, they were being insensitive at best, in a way unintentionally abusive. I really don't think this is exaggerating. I have had friends get injured when their husbands had them to do tasks they were not physically capable of. I have known kids to be traumatized by water when they were not introduced gently. ( I do realize that someone reading this may be dealing with abuse issues so significant that my issues may seem very minor. If you are one of these people, my heart goes out to you. )

I did spend quite a bit of time processing some additional thoughts about both my Dad's behavior and similar things in my husband's behavior that are also a problem......
avoiding contact, avoiding conversation, distancing, lack of warmth.
My Dad has passed on. I did have a conversation with my husband and got across quite a few points about working on our relationship. I am working on how to get across the idea that I don't have the strength of a man! So far, rational explanations, firm protesting, and refusal doesn't work. If I refuse, he just tries to do things all by himself and then I worry he'll get injured (which would cause me to blame myself and feel extreme guilt).

In conclusion:
I really do feel that binges can be caused by two things (maybe more):
1) Specific foods that, for whatever reason, are triggers for us
2) Unsettled emotions that are manifesting themselves. I believe that these feelings can be felt, understood, processed and dealt with in a positive manner besides stuffing ourselves with food.




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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRANSFORMIN2012 3/3/2013 3:42PM

    I appreciate you sharing your analysis as it mimics much of the feelings that I have learned set off any former binges I had. Thank you.
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BOPPY_ 2/22/2013 4:35PM

    I have completely avoided those foods that I know I can not control myself about, including potato chips. For those that I just have trouble with (not complete compulsion) I introduced them slowly , one at a time, at intervals of a month, and forced myself to eat just one the first time and then leave the premises of the food.

So, for example, I had no bread for the first four months. I didn't have a single tortilla chip for the first year.

I still have not had any added butter to bread or vegetables in 89 weeks, and the same for potato chips. In the case of peanut butter, I only ingest with 35 cal bread, and only when I have calories to burn for a late snack. Moreover I didn't start "using" (as in illicit drugs) until I had a digital scale and I could limit my use to 9 or 17 grams (1 or 2 pieces [sandwich] of 35 calorie bread).

Correcting behavioral/nutritional weaknesses is a lot like correcting physical weaknesses: identify the weakness, devote attention to it; do the "right exercise".

You're doing that. Congratulations!

You are succeeding!

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MSKRIS7 2/22/2013 9:04AM

    emoticon

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FLY0NTHEWAL1 2/22/2013 4:31AM

    It is always worth analyzing ourselves to see where our actions and feelings are coming from. My sweetheart also has very high expectations of me, to the point of me thinking "you know I am my own person, right?" It can be good and bad. I've had to learn that I cannot take everything he says to heart. He is living life through his perspective and it has no bearing on me. This is my "ignore" option. I also call him an a-hole from time to time. I can't get hung up on my hurt feelings, instead I put them where they belong, back on him. I'd rather be angry than upset.

Otherwise, knowledge is always power. You are not as strong as a man, and this is scientifically shown (I'm sure of it, just ask google). When I got angry because he wouldn't give me enough affection (I like to cuddle!) and he was actually straight up refusing, I sent him the studies that show that human affection creates tighter bonds, reduces anxiety, and improves the immune system. Guess who gets cuddles now?

Anyway, I hope you are doing well. Keep up the blogging, I know for sure it helps with focus.

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ROGERSBABE1 2/19/2013 3:43PM

    Your blog was very interesting and made me think about some things in my own life. Thanks for sharing. emoticon emoticon

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SPARKCHANTAL 2/18/2013 3:37AM

    never you mind about how serious or not other people's issues are in relation to yours! they have nothing to do with you. bill gates won't pay your bills either, just because he has more money than you (i assume!)

as for insensitivity towards others, isn't it amazing how so many of us think that OUR brain is the brain of the universe, everyone else must have the same one? same thoughts, emotions, ideas...
one reason i can't stand the kitchen is because my mother always thought if SHE was doing the dishes, everyone else should be, too; if SHE was doing the cooking, everyone else should be, too etc etc etc. unreasonable pressure and stress.

only explanation i can come up with is 'umbilicus mundi', belly-button of the world- syndrome. when we are born, the world is there to tend to our needs. and that's a phase not many people overcome.

unfortunately we never really learn the meaning of love, much less how to express it. so if you can give credit to your men for trying, just forgive them. of course, if they overestimate your powers, you'll have to demonstrate to them in some way (nicely) how far you can go. they'll catch on! learn to teach, learn to connect, teach to connect.

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KALIGIRL 2/15/2013 12:20PM

    Sounds like you've got it figured out!
Emotions will take a while to overcome, but keeping that trigger food (or circumstance) far away will help.

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MANDELOVICH 2/14/2013 10:18PM

    I think it's great that you were able to reflect so deeply on your experience and triggers. I have been having months of binges and for sure they seem to stem from uncomfortable emotions and I reach for "trigger foods".

I'm sorry about the experience you had with your husband and that it brought up painful memories from your past. It sounds like you are working through it all with clarity, however, and that is great.

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CHRISTINASP 2/14/2013 3:38PM

    Oh yes, I agree with your two points.
With regard to the situation: there is a difference between the situation with your father and with your husband. The difference is that you are an adult now and have the power to change situations you don't like or want.
I strongly vote / plea for the option 'Refuse'. He may get injured, indeed, but please place responsibility where it belongs: he is responsible for HIS boundaries and you are responsible for YOURS. If he should get injured he will then forever understand your objections to lifting stuff that is too heavy for you. He will learn something and you won't find yourself in that situation again (and won't binge over it). On the other hand if you do not refuse to cross your own physical boundaries, nothing will change and you will have the same frustration next time he wants to move a piece of furniture. And you may find yourself having peanut butter, beer and chips AGAIN. Just my humble thought!
All this said I think it's very good that you talked with your husbanda and hopefully got some points across. But sometimes the only way to make a point is to say NO, and stick with it. And I'm the first to know that that is often pretty hard. Still.

Excellent analysis, and kudo's for sharing it!


Comment edited on: 2/14/2013 3:41:06 PM

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FIFIFRIZZLE 2/14/2013 1:22PM

    emoticon you are clearly right on target with this. What a good job.
Well done!
You can't change him, but you can change you.

Are you sure you really would rather injure yourself than let the consequences of DH's actions be injury to himself?

I have a friend who is presently laid up with a bad back because her husband has used her as a builder's mate. She is a tiny little thing, strong and fit but a wee dot, and he has worked her like a navvy. It is so sad to see someone who should be treated like a precious flower broken by someone who is essentially a loutish boy. But you are right, it is your responsibility how you respond to this.
When you write about peanuts, it really evoked for me exactly how a craving calls to us. It is in our HEADS not in our body. When I gave up smoking, after about three days all my thinking about cigarettes was in my head, and likewise I am changing my diet at the moment and ideas about food come into my head, my stomach is just doing its thing perfectly fine and doesn,t want anything to do with what I am thinking about. And that is my clue to do something different for myself, not to eat. Because those darn trigger foods are lying in wait!
emoticon

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FIFIFRIZZLE 2/14/2013 1:15PM

    emoticon you are clearly right on target with this. What a good job.
Well done!
You can't change him, but you can change you.

Are you sure you really would rather injure yourself than let the consequences of DH's actions be injury to himself?

I have a friend who is presently laid up with a bad back because her husband has used her as a builder's mate. She is a tiny little thing, strong and fit but a wee dot, and he has worked her like a navvy. It is so sad to see someone who should be treated like a precious flower broken by someone who is essentially a loutish boy. But you are right, it is your responsibility how you respond to this.
When you write about peanuts, it really evoked for me exactly how a craving calls to us. It is in our HEADS not in our body. When I gave up smoking, after about three days all my thinking about cigarettes was in my head, and likewise I am changing my diet at the moment and ideas about food come into my head, my stomach is just doing its thing perfectly fine and doesn,t want anything to do with what I am thinking about. And that is my clue to do something different for myself, not to eat. Because those darn trigger foods are lying in wait!
emoticon

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MARTY728 2/14/2013 10:50AM

    Emotions trigger my binges. I am trying to deal with my emotions without turning to food.

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MJRVIC2000 2/14/2013 8:15AM

    Love is an action response. Jesus said, "Love on another as I have loved you". He died for us...that's how much He loved us. God Bless YOU! Vic.

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