Thursday, February 14, 2013
This day has been weird. I know that between pain and feeling ill that I am not up to stuff. However, there is a lot going on around me. I noticed today that many people are grumpy and overwhelmed. I was feeling particularly sorry for at least three teachers today.
My doctor's office today called me and told me that they are running cultures of my urine and they found that I have some bacteria growing that indicates the antibiotics they prescribed for me might not be able to make me better. Then the nurse told me that they are waiting for the final results and that they will call me and let me know what we need to do. Then she questioned me to find out if I am doing better. I didn't think that made sense after only two doses of the antibiotic anyway, and I told her the truth that I had another problem in the night. She assured me that they would let me know.
I saw my therapist tonight and he told me the things I already know about being over-extended. He did tell me to keep one word in my thoughts and that that word should be one. He thinks I should remember that I can only do one thing at a time and that I can only worry about one thing at a time. He is right and I am going to need to select that one thing carefully. I can be happy when one of my kids learns one new sight word or reads one book successfully or does one thing better each day. I need to have that same respect for myself and what I need.
I picked up a paper from the doctor on weight loss and although there were no new ideas or secrets on it, I was struck by the first thing on the page--eat three meals a day. This is the first place I fall down. I am barely getting time for one piece of fruit in the morning and I don't get lunch until after 3:00. I'm sure this is not helping me in any category. I will get a full breakfast in each day. I am having a lot of trouble in the morning because when I wake up to get ready for work, I am so stiff and sore that it takes me well over a half an hour for my pain meds to work and for me to get moving at all. That throws me for a loop unless I have been awake all night. The past few days, I have waken up at around 2:30 and then I fall asleep sometime around 5:00 which makes waking up even more difficult. I sure hope that we can get to the bottom of my pain again so that I sleep sometime. I was getting in a morning nap while I was home after surgery, but that is no longer a choice.
I have a lot to accomplish to get my self-care act together. I am intelligent and capable so these things that should seem easy, should be accessible. They are not easy right now, given all of my issues and stress, but I am not giving up nor am I giving in. Just like each day is a new start on our spark goals, it is a new start on these goals. I will get back to where I was in December with caring for myself and feeling good. I can and will get this done, I think my existence depends on it.