Be kind to yourself...
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
I hear it, so much. Every day in fact. But yet its one of my biggest struggles. Its never been easy for me. I especially hear it when I screw up. Everyone tells me to be gentle to myself. To forgive myself and move forward. But its hard. I'm EXTREMELY unkind to myself, and I know that I am. I'm better than I used to be, by a little bit. I used to hit myself in the stomach because I hated the fact that it was fat and jiggly. I don't do that anymore, its just verbal now. If I screw up and eat something that I know I shouldn't, or overindulge in something, I belittle myself very cruelly. I call myself a fat failure, etc. I even will joke about how stupid I am if I get confused about something. I really don't like that I do it. I don't wanna feel like a stupid failure when I can't keep up with a workout. Or like a gross blob after I binge. I want to soothe myself and tell myself that it will be okay and that it is just a minor setback. But instead, I chastise. I tell myself that the binge will make me gain all the weight back, and that I suck to much to be able to lose weight. Sure, I can look at myself and think "Well, I've got a nice smile" or "Hey look, my muscles are getting firmer" but then I have rebuttals... "Yea but you're ugly" or "So what, your stomach is still huge". I don't know how to be kind to myself, and I really really don't like it.
I'm reaching out for help from my lovely Spark friends. Does anyone have any advice on how to break the self hatred cycle, and gently ease into a self love cycle? Because this self hatred is sabotaging me! And please, don't tell me to go see a shrink. Been there, done it, really do not wish to do it again. I want genuine advice from genuine people.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
look in the mirror every single day and say I love you to yourself.
do nice things that make you feel special and beautiful, such as painting your nails, etc, whatever tickles your fancy.
finding self-love motivational pictures on here or online and looking at at least once a day.
saying only positive things to yourself. when your mind starts on the negative, tell it to shut up.
loving yourself inside will be more vital than changing the weight, i believe in you. you can do it sweetie
1539 days ago
check out Shelli's blog (MOSTMOM1), Secret Power of Awesome. I think you wil find it helpful.
1557 days ago
Maybe set that as one of your "other tracked goals." Everyday, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself 10 things you like about yourself. Look at all these positive comments! If you are ever feeling down and just cannot think of anything... come back to this blog and look at all the wonderful things people have to say about you.
We are all hard on ourselves... but the only way we can succeed is if we love ourselves.
Be your own valentine.
1558 days ago
I think that we are all harder on ourselves than anyone else is. You are so amazing! I know that it can be hard to take compliments from others/believe what others say but over time, with a lot of work and self-affirmations, it can be a lot easier to both receive compliments, but also compliment and praise yourself! My dad taught me a few years ago that I need to remember to "bless myself". You need to be sure that you are taking time everyday to bless yourself and say something positive or give yourself some kudos for something that you did, something you are proud of, changes you are seeing and then stop there (basically don't give yourself a chance to say negative things!). I also used to put some post its/index cards on the mirror in my bathroom with positive affirmations that while it might seem a little silly, it really did help/work! Remember that you are a beautiful, awesome woman and a great mom!!!
1558 days ago
Sent you the longest email ever....
1559 days ago
you are your worst critic!! I get anxious going out places with a group of girls or even my sister in laws. I am always the biggest! and i go home feeling depressed and angry but i shift the anger on them...when really I am mad at my self for over eating and indulging in crappy foods!! I am sick of being affected by it!! It has ruined my self esteem and my outlook on life! But I am learning not to be so hard on myself. We all screw up at times...I just need to focus and learn to have control! that seems to be the hardest part for me. I just watched a documentary on hungry for change,and it was saying that you need to look at your why you want to loose weight,and most times it is because you want to look beautiful and you will do fast diets that you know in the long term are not going to help and you will gain it all back and then some! It was saying you need to love yourself unconditionally right now! And I keep telling myself that every morning,but it is hard to believe it!!! But i do think once you do love yourself it will help your journey so much more!!
1559 days ago
Well You look like a very creative, talented , beautiful person to me and you are a great mom- trying to do the right thing for your mom..
It may sound silly but did you ever think of putting a rubber band around your wrist- when you start to think something negative about yourself- snap yourself lightly with the rubber band. It will interrupt the thought and you can replace it with an affirmation- like- I am a strong healthy woman, my body is strong and I will take good care of it. etc. Probably somewhere along the line people told you that your weren't worthwhile and what you need to do is reprogram your brain with positive talk. It also helps if you make a list of things you can do- and put them where you can see them every day,
Another idea is to list all the good things that happened that day before you go to bed.
You can also do this with your daughter- share one good thing that happened at dinner each day.
I hope at least one of these ideas is helpful.
You are a valuable , talented , beautiful person.
1559 days ago
Pick your daughter up, and look at the both of you in the mirror. What are you going to see? What is she seeing? Use that image as motivation. Use her smile as motivation. She doesn't see you as a failure. You feel that self hate coming on, look at yourself as if you were seeing through her eyes.
Longer term, figure out the whys behind it. Obviously, the shrink didn't help and maybe made it worse. But there are some reasons that will be obvious to you as to why you belittle yourself. It's worth taking the time trying to figure out what they are, and it's worth talking about, to whoever might listen.
It's something I need to do, too. And believe me, I know how much trouble or painful it can be just trying to start looking inside to try and figure out what you can or what you need to fix, I've been trying to do it for ages with no success yet.
1559 days ago
Firstly, from the little I know of you. You seem like a wonderful person and from your pictures you look lovely. However, I know too well that hearing/reading that can still do nothing for your esteem. Or maybe that's just me.
I am still hard on myself. There is still a lot of self loathing and anger. I'm not 100 percent that it will ever completely go away. I will even think back on things that happened years ago and mentally kick myself for it.
People will tell you that pride is a sin, but here's the deal, it helps. When you complete a work out. Pat yourself on the back. When you look good in a new outfit...or even an old one. Give yourself a smile and acknowledge that you are beautiful.
When you are being hard on yourself and in a rough patch, remember that you are capable of those little things. Remember how you felt during THOSE moments. Scold yourself if you have to, but draw on the strength of the good times. Like when you went to the park with your daughter and were racing with her. You were STRONG then, You were an AWESOME parent and a GREAT mentor. Remember that person, remember that YOU CAN BE AND ARE THAT PERSON, take a deep breath and push through.
It's what helps me. Sometimes, it takes a little while, but it helps. HUGS!
1559 days ago
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