Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Week 2 day 2 done and did squats, bridges, and some other strength today. I think I will feel it tomorrow. I hope I do anyway. Taking it very slowly. Not going to play the blame and berate myself game. Fact is I am here, right where I never wanted to be again.
Chronic depression is a difficult thing to deal with. Pills if they work at all work for awhile and then stop and often make things worse. It is an invisible ailment, people see you functioning at all and not laying there bleeding profusely or missing large chunks and presume you must be fine. If your fine then you are just behaving poorly or being a pain or wanting attention, etc. When in fact I am missing chunks. Chunks that become very hard to find alone in the dark, let alone even remember or believe were a part of me. The possibly well meaning buck up and be strong sentiment of "cheer up all ready" is like a general telling the badly injured soldier to keep up the good fight. Yeah, that'll help. What would help (well, what would help me and is pretty much never there oddly except from friends with similar) make an effort to chat about anything, meaningless and funny all the better. Get the person out in small ways. Meaning -not crowds or games of skill. Conversation, walks, museum, watch something, compassion without pity.
Also, I am really bothered by the misconceptions and wrong information. Depression is a vast scale and often with other problems. Meaning all depressives are not out to kill themselves or harm others. Its really about whats mixed into the cocktail of that person. They never mention that the person probably had antisocial problems as well, delusions, or paranoia, and true sociopaths are a great deal more common than we would like to think.
Not really sure where all this is coming from today. I was really happy the other day to find out my favorite bloggress of Hyperbole and a Half is well. Her last post about depression was very troubling because it was very relatable to me. http://hyperboleandahalf.blogs
pot.com * may have swearing
I highly recommend the ALOT and pain scale blogs.