Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Chocolate...ginger ale...facebook...computer games...onions...
All good options on what to give up for Lent. I also want to give up giving up. I wish to give up bad days. I want to give up grief. I want to give up struggling.
I think I'm settling on giving up justifications. I'm getting better at living in the moment, dealing with what comes, yet I keep believing I need to give explanations and justifications for my own actions or the actions of those near me. For 40 days, I will attempt to let that be. If someone wants to know a reason, they can ask. I will not work on coming up with those conversations ahead of time. I live each day with a limited amount of energy. I have the right to give use that energy for myself and not for others.
I've also contemplated giving up lying. I have several lies of omission going on, and the justifications come into play there. There are perfectly good reasons for what I'm doing, yet I'm teaching my children to lie. It's not okay. Period. Using my words, in one case, would hurt someone profoundly, and that's not okay either. It's a fine, delicate line, and I'm not walking it well. I long too, though.
Lent, for me, is about sacrificial giving: thinking about and practicing the sacrifice being a reasonable Christian should bring in my day to day life. Every day. 365 days. I may quite a few sacrifices in the day to day due to my chronic illnesses. I often take away from myself to give towards others, and not in healthy ways. The practice of lent is intended to be about healthy giving - setting aside something that's beyond just a food and remembering why I am on this journey of faith.
So...for this next 40 days, I will strive, day by day, to spend focused time in prayer, take time daily for Bible Study (I often study other books, yet not my actual Bible), and face the momentary temptations in the best way I can in that moment. After the 40 days, I hope to continue to live that way.