Wednesday, February 13, 2013
My status this am is introspective. I havenít decided if this is a good or a bad thing as of yet. Just kind of is.
See, it has been a year since I started trying to get control over my weight and physical health. One year ago tomorrow I was 197lbs. I was morbidly obese, to the point a cousin I donít see often asked if I was pregnant. I wore an XL to 2XL. I have no idea what my jean size was but I couldnít zip 12ís. I had constant pain in my bad hip and my knees. I could not get up off the ground without help. I drove everywhere. My diet consisted of pasta, pizza, and assorted fried foods. Both of my dogs had health issues Ė lick granulomas and weight.
Today, Iím at the very top end of ďhealthyĒ for BMI. Iím wearing a S in most things (M if it is cut tight) and can zip a size 6 jean comfortably. My knees feel fine and my bad hip only hurts when it is really cold. I sit on the floor most days with my girls and can get up with no problem. I walk all over town. I eat raw fruits and veggies daily, although Iím still a sucker for pizza and fried veggies. Both of my girls have lost weight and Gypsyís lick granulomas are controlled.
I know this is an AMAZING change for a mere 12 months. I should be doing the Snoopy dance and running with my new habits. But Iím not Ė so why? I guess part of it was I expected the healthy habits to be as easy as the unhealthy. Aaaa Ė NOT! I also feel ďa driftĒ. I had a goal, a purpose, a destination and I drove hard. Now, I have my life around me and the unhealthy habits of my friends and family calling me back with no real target to aim at. Guess thatís why Ií was obsessing about the scale. It was something to focus on Ė good, bad, or indifferent.
However, Iíve given up a lot too. Iíve given up nightly movies with hubby. Iíve given up going to dinner with dad. Iíve given up the bar with friends. Everything that used to be part of my ďsocialĒ and/or ďfamilyĒ life falls into the unhealthy category. Outside of you dear Sparkers, I donít really have people I talk to any more. Hubby and dad, yeah, but we donít have much to do together anymore. However, I donít want to go back to being that other person. Maybe I was more ďfunĒ, but I didnít feel good. Yes, I still get sick at the drop of a hat but I recover faster than I used to.
My status is introspective because I am torn. Iíve gotten a glimpse of who I CAN be Ė Peacock Girl. Sheís pretty damn cool and tough and has very few limits. She struts and plays and has confidence. However, Porky Yorkie had friends and a social life. She always had people with her and offers of things to do. She never sat home on a Saturday night.
Do I really have to choose? It really doesnít seem fair, but then again there are no cows and pigs so it is no fair.
Iím going to stick with my challenge from yesterday. I did almost all of it. No curls or crunches yesterday but I will do them today. I'll come up with some sort of modification to this for tomorrow.
2 sets (20 reps) wall push-ups
2 sets (15 reps) bicep curls
105 jumping jacks
2 sets (20 reps) shoulder shrugs
2 sets (15 reps) triceps dips
2 sets (15 reps) lateral shoulder raises
2 sets (20 reps) calf raises