Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Ok..suggestions at Spark Coach were that all blogs don't have to be positive...hmm..probably not ...but how one looks at the situation and proacts or reacts...are usually defined by how one interprets the circumstance or God's lesson. There are plenty of negative situations that impact my day..and sometimes I feel sad...may tear up a little but that will pass. I grew up with brothers and one sister. I am very close to one brother and I looked up to him ...and still do. He taught me to guard my emotions. He encouraged me to use my gifts and in his own way nudged me to allways improve. He speaks little of God or his belief and yet he has a very deep faith.
The day before Valentines day I have no sweetheart...the one I greatly loved is passed away but never forgotten. I have had marriages...usually disappointments and sometimes tumultuous and dangerous...and now am very content in my singleness...as God continually teaches me to lean on him and not my own understanding...and I learn and improve. I always viewed having a loving gentleman as a shelter against all the pain and suffering that came with life...and discovered that my greatest enemy could be my closest companion. I rejoice in the escape from early destruction into a place where I can shine God's light. I am less foolish and stronger than the place where I first begun ...but nothing on my own. I cannot say that I understand or can explain but I know that God is the one who makes himself beliveable...real..in the search...and if you are searching for him it is because he is searching for you. I have felt God's manifestation in my life ...and when that kind of power grips your being all traces of doubt are gone. Once when I sought to contact my loved one, I stopped across the street and called from the Church which I was first saved as a child. There was no one about...just the phone. Though a knock on his door had not brought a response he answered the phone...as I walked out of the Church where I saw no people...I felt a strong engulfing precense like being in the midst of many joyous and strong beings. As I talked with my loved one who was hungover and in a fog he told me...I cannot look at your eyes..they are so bright they burn. We talked of God and I gave him a picture I had painted...A shepherd with a black lamb over his shoulder...followed by a white ewe and a border collie. I would like to say he turned his life around...but not. We stayed in touch throught the years and finally one day he was found dead in his apartment...some states away...the body claimed by the chronic poison of alcohol. When we would talk about forever and beyond...I always told him I would wait on the steps of heaven for him if I died first. I will be eager to see him again...til then...I will make the best of this life as I can and be thankfull for every joy that my beloved God gives.