Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Until I Was Worth It
I was just not worth the worry,
I was not even worth the wait,
I didn't want good things to come to me,
I was frozen by self-hate.
The concern was appreciated,
but it only went to waste.
While people prayed I would change my life,
I was destroying it with haste.
Of course, I was no fool,
as I denied it, it was clear -
my body was crying out for help
but I refused to hear.
See, as a child I was mistreated.
As an adult I was abused.
After a life of constant suffering,
I was in the habit of feeling used.
But one day, an amazing thing happened,
and I felt fed up, or sick, or tired.
I decided to let myself be happy
and the sad version of me was fired.
"I do deserve to be happy,"
was a mantra I learned to repeat.
In the beginning I didn't believe it at all,
but I refused to give in to defeat.
Once I made the choice to change,
the real work had to begin.
I stopped thinking of life as a burden
and made it a race I could win.
I don't know if I'll ever be happy
when I've trained myself to be sad.
But the joy that I feel in finally trying
is the BEST feeling I've ever had.