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    WILDXANGELS   11,890
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BLACK HOLE

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

I know that none of us can walk this with me. I closed the door behind me, shut off the phone, and didn't emerge for 2 months. I just needed to be alone. Alone with my very personal grief and thoughts. I needed time to absorb what had happened and how I lost the love of my life bacause he chose drug addiction over me !!!and decide what I should do. I guess that, between crying jags, I was a bit catatonic. It is a bit overwhelming. Do what I have to do, let my friends know when they can help, and keep in mind that friends are here for me whether I want them to be or not. ,thank God
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NASFKAB 3/11/2013 12:56PM

  sorry for your loss

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KALLIE1958AR 2/20/2013 5:06PM

    emoticon

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MOMFAN 2/18/2013 3:35PM

    emoticon

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KRYS210 2/17/2013 5:19PM

    Know you are in a grieving process. Please keep us posted on your progress - you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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SUGARSMOM2 2/16/2013 12:26PM

  when you are ready to open the door we will be here waiting with open arms . I know what you are dealing with at least a small part . they arrested my granddaughter for drugs . she was the joy of my life . she in on a a spiral circle and bad choices . downward I can only wait until she declares the end .not i . so i wait . she is still a love to me but no longer do i think she can walk on water . she is human . when the phone rings at night i worry that they have found her dead from an overdose of her happy pills or shots . I can not talk any sense into her . out of breath trying . emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon m

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RSSSLHB 2/15/2013 8:33PM

    So emoticon for your loss

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MELMOMOF4 2/15/2013 12:57AM

    emoticon

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MJREIMERS 2/14/2013 9:10PM

    You can't control others. The addiction is blinding and that's all the brain and body can focus on. It sounds like you've had a very rough time, but you have broken out and can now reach out to others. emoticon YOU are a strong person and YOU deserve to be treated with the utmost respect! YOU can put yourself first and YOU can get through this!! Hang in there! There is always a downhill on the other side of a mountain. emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/14/2013 9:10:45 PM

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NGCHILD 2/14/2013 12:41PM

    Very sorry for your loss.

emoticon

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LINDAF49 2/14/2013 12:23PM

    emoticon You are not alone
emoticon You are worth comeing back from seclusion for
emoticon You are going to make it
emoticon you can do this one step at a time...I love the idea of 15 minutes per day of doing something you used to enjoy!!! YES!!! do it!! Even if you have to start with just 5 minutes...for me, it was picking up the needle and thread and making something beautiful again in counted cross-stitch
emoticon keep writing bood blogs to heal yourself and to reach out to others and to mentor others who are in the deep dark holes next to yours.
emoticon you are loved by God with an everlasting love bigger than anyone can imagine.

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PEZMOM1 2/14/2013 10:03AM

    emoticon

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SILVER1369 2/14/2013 9:41AM

    emoticon emoticon

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BEEJAY49 2/14/2013 6:04AM

    My heart goes out to you. He didn't choose drugs over YOU, he chose them over his own life. You are in my prayers! God Bless and Hugs!

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HOUNDLOVER1 2/14/2013 1:39AM

    I am sorry you are hurting. Don't feel that he chose drugs over you. People who use drugs don't have a voice after a while. Only the drugs speak. It still hurts of course, but know that it is only the drugs that chose against you.
Birgit

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BLVINBUTTERFLYS 2/14/2013 12:27AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BECKYSFRIEND 2/13/2013 8:37PM

    emoticon emoticon

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-WRKNG2ABTTRME- 2/13/2013 7:28PM

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HOPEFULHIPPO 2/13/2013 5:58PM

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JLLOVETT 2/13/2013 5:13PM

    emoticon
“This is what the past is for! Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see.”
― Corrie ten Boom,

“Do you know what hurts so very much? It's love. Love is the strongest force in the world, and when it is blocked that means pain. There are two things we can do when this happens. We can kill that love so that it stops hurting. But then of course part of us dies, too. Or we can ask God to open up another route for that love to travel.”
― Corrie ten Boom

emoticon


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68ANNE 2/13/2013 4:59PM

    I am so very sorry for your loss. You are not alone. *hugs*

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NESARIAN 2/13/2013 4:26PM

    I am sorry for your pain. Addiction is a mental illness and requires more than love. Your choice to love yourself and move on may have been hard but is your first step. I am glad to see you are ready to reach out and feel the love of your friends. not an easy road to travel you can do it. Many hugs.

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TIME2BLOOM4ME 2/13/2013 3:57PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HEIDIC75 2/13/2013 3:02PM

    emoticon and prayers

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GLC2009 2/13/2013 2:00PM

    emoticon

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PDSLIM 2/13/2013 1:57PM

    Get yourself into a support group or therapy. Don't cut yourself off. I got help, mainly for someone to talk with, when in a bad patch. Didn't want to overburden friends.
It did help a lot./

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DIDMIS 2/13/2013 12:53PM

    Please read my blog just written today "You are Beautiful".
emoticon

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NEVERORNOW 2/13/2013 12:10PM

    emoticon

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GRACEFULJOURNEY 2/13/2013 11:32AM

    I am so sorry for your loss and I feel your pain. Addiction to drugs is a hard mistress to compete with. I was once in love with a man who ended up being addicted to meth. I went through a grieving process that I sure was as deep as if he had truly died.
I had to make the choice to walk away and looking back am very glad I did. I no longer have any contact with him.

Stay strong and love yourself. You deserve a man who will put you first.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AVANELL 2/13/2013 11:24AM

    The grieving process is different for each person, but the important part about it is that you go through it; not getting stuck in it is very important. You have made the first step to coming out of the grieving process by re-establishing communication with others. By choosing each day to move forward you will make it. There is hope for your future. God promises each one of us a good plan for our lives filled with hope and a good future. If you will reach out to Him He will show you the way to live in health and wellness fully enjoying the good plan that He has for your life. If you need help please feel free to contact me. I am praying for you.

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WOUBBIE 2/13/2013 10:50AM

    (((hugs)))

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JUDYAASH 2/13/2013 10:30AM

    I couldn't believe it when my daughter chose drugs over me and her children but she did and now she is gone. I guess because i was so busy raising her 5 kidsI got through it. I'm sure you will have mixed feelings about your loved one but with time it will get better. emoticon

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MARTY728 2/13/2013 10:29AM

    emoticon emoticon

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YOADDICTION101 2/13/2013 10:05AM

    You can not control his actions. He chose what he wanted and sadly it wasn't you. I understand the isolating and being cationic after a huge life changing event. After my love died from cancer I couldn't breath. Much less function as a normal human being.

Glad to see you have emerged from that black hole. Each day is going to be hard but with determination and support by Friends and family you'll get better. May even want to join a group therapy in your town. I know that seems weird but that's where I get a lot of my support for my specific problems. Plus, hearing others struggles makes mine not seem as bad. If you call your local hospital they usually can provided you with information about group therapy.

With Each Breath. With Each Moment. You Are Becoming Strong. emoticon

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SPARKLISE 2/13/2013 9:52AM

    Life can be so hard sometimes and we think we'll never see the light again! emoticon
Give yourself time to grieve,but then try to go on,even if it's just a little bit at a time.

My therapist gave me some advice a few years ago when I was really depressed that made me a lot better.
Take 15 minutes in your day,starting today, and do something that you used to really enjoy.
My first day I went for a walk in the woods and I had forgotten how it made me feel closer to God and alive.
It took a few months (+ medication) to feel better,but those 15 minutes of positive things were something that helped me alot to make me feel alive and that life was worth living for.
Now i'm off medication and on a journey to wellness and I could not imagine back then that I could be in this strong emotional place that I am today.

Don't give up, you are worth it! emoticon
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JUSTAGRRL 2/13/2013 9:35AM

    I understand knowing that there are people thinking about you, that it doesn't always help. My prayer is that you do what is right for you, and your body. Listen to yourself and take the time you need to regroup. Sometimes it can feel as though the down days will never end, and that you don't care if they do. I pray for the day when you can get up and face the day...one step at a time.

My sincere thoughts are with you emoticon

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