Tuesday, 2/12 Where to start...
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
I've had a tough time lately and after a lot of manipulating, I got in to see my PCP today. I had a Friday appointment that they needed to change and I couldn't get in to see him until March 11. I knew this couldn't wait and I called them back to find out who I should go see and when they told the doctor why I needed to see him, he made me a late appointment for today. When people did some canceling, my appointment got miraculously changed (with my blessing) to the same time as my husband's appointment for his shingles vaccine.
Anyway, last week I started having a few new symptoms to go along with my wild, out of control pain. I had a lot of issues with needing to urinate and on Thursday, I had a potty accident at home. On Friday, I had one at school--and I was extremely humiliated. I had a couple more and yesterday, I had a brief one at work, unlike the Friday episode where I had to call the principal and my husband for clothing, canceling an hour of classes while they also cleaned and disinfected my classroom. Yesterday, it was my clothing and I had spares after Friday. Arghhh and yuck.
My pain has had a couple of additions as well. My left shoulder is hurting so much that I cannot even move my left arm to pick paper up or push open a door. My left arm has had some shooting pains and both of my hands--but far more intensely in the left--have had bizarre pain that includes tingling and numbness along with pain that won't let up. I just sit here with my hands on my abdomen doing nothing to keep them from moving. It has been awful.
All of this is in addition to the pain in my knee and the increased pain in my right hip since I went back to work. It hurts when I try and get in the jeep again and it hasn't done that since about my second week post-op. Anyway, I am at my wit's end. All of this pain and this additional health stuff added to the stress at school is a bit much for me to deal with. I realized today that having 68 primary students a day is too many, but I don't know what to do to ease things up for me while taking care of our kids.
Anyway, after seeing my doctor today, he did a urine test to be followed by a culture after he did my exam. My BP was still okay--124/70. He decided that we needed to get to the bottom of things. He is sending me to a urologist for a bladder scan. He added physical therapy for my shoulder to my current physical therapy orders. He made an appointment with my ortho to check this shoulder out--I know I felt it pop out of place and back into place this morning when I was cleaning out my bunny's cage. I forgot to mention that to him. He is also sending me to a neurologist to do an EMG of my left arm and hand, looking for something that might be indicating a pinched nerve or something that might explain my hand pain. I have three more appointments on a schedule that is stretched to capacity.
My urine test came out showing that I had an infection, so I have antibiotics. He also prescribed something called Detrol LA to ease up on the urges and the lousy feelings that are making me a nervous wreck right now. I originally thought that the problem was because I am so slow right now in walking from one place to another, but that isn't it. I have been going to the bathroom a lot more frequently for a while, but I didn't think much about it until all of these problems came up. I sure hope that the antibiotics solve something here.
I almost have my classroom back as something of my design. I have been working on motivating all of my children--former and new, to the job at hand. I have upgraded all but five of their book baskets and have been so lucky that Marshall has come to school twice to help me to do the physical aspects of that job. He has been a blessing. I have overcome all of the sub's inappropriate lessons and put more important things in place for and with the children. We have looked at their goals and why they are with me. We have talked about why they are in my class and my goal of setting them free because they have grown to be good readers. That is something that I am not sure I talked with them about before, but they are clear on what coming to me is all about now.
I think I have given up on my colleagues behaving in a decent manner. A couple of them are expert bullies and there seems to be no protection from the office since that is the way it operates as well. I am not going to be chased away and I am going to continue being the conscience around our place. I finally fought back against their insensitivity with the email I sent. I am working hard to help out with building needs and am going to be tied up for weeks with our BIT (Building Intervention Team) meetings. I have led this groups for a long time and it was allowed to sit and wait until I returned. Funny thing, the office person did everything to take everything out of my hands except scheduling meetings but people expect me to keep things going and to help with their needy children. I think they know what is needed. Finally, I have a nightmare of a schedule. I create my own schedule based on the schedules of those around me. Each teacher creates their classroom schedule after receiving their scheduled assignments for lunch, PE, and music. From that point, the teacher has to meet the state's required number of minutes for each of the content areas of instruction. There are typically extra minutes left int he day and the teacher fits in library time and other needs. I have never seen people so rigid that they cannot even give me 5 extra minutes off of math, especially when they are using well over the prescribed amount of minutes. (Math and guided reading lessons are the only times I am not allowed to take students for reading support except for their time in specials--PE and music.)
I recognize that there are things going on with my body that are not right, am seeking out help, and will do what is needed to feel better as soon as I can so I can get on with my life and the things I need to do. I have added more protein into my diet these days, but the thing is I need to get this in at breakfast and lunch time rather than not getting any eating done until 3 in the afternoon. I know that we need to eat regularly to keep that nourishment coming all day long. I just cannot get my time between the morning rush around here and the schedule I am following all day long. I am adding in bathroom breaks as I need them and often which is making the eating time harder to fit in. I suspect that this makes me even more weary.
I am trying the best that I can to get my life back. This isn't easy and I know there are problems with the way I am handling things. I also don't quite see a way out because there are so many wonderful children involved in all of this. They must get the help and support they need and I am their best hope, in spite of anything the other adults in our building do.
"Thanks so much for the support and caring you all give me. I read and cherish every response and comment. I think about them and use them in many ways.