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    STEELKICKIN   32,442
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It Doesn't Take A Brick To Fall...


Tuesday, February 12, 2013

We've all seen her. The little girl in the corner at the party with her arms folded across her chest and a pouty mouth, mad because something didn't go her way. The people around her are trying their best to make her smile, to reassure her that it's going to be okay, just come out and have some fun. She won't look anyone in the eye and quickly turns away from them with tears in her eyes, defiant and a little testy. All she can think of is how "unfair" life seems to be...

A couple of weeks ago I got hurt at work which resulted in an accident report, a few days of being incapacitated on the couch and light duty at work. Not to mention the ultimate loss of a friendship that I didn't have the energy to try to maintain anymore. I went into "pout-mode." Then my weight increased. (I am now back up to 124.5.) I ate to numb the physical and emotional pain. My appetite/cravings escalated and now it's a battle to keep them under control. There is the rabbit hole...it's always lurking but this time it seemed bigger and strangely more welcoming. Self-pity? I was and still am the poster child for it. But...

You guys won't let me wallow, will you? I've checked my page...the SparkMails are overwhelming with kindness and concern. The goodies spoke equally as much. Now you guys have resorted to commenting on my page, some with "tough love." (I gotta admit, one of them really ticked me off but I guess it got me on here spilling my guts. But I will deal with "you" later in a private message and it won't be pretty so consider yourself for-warned.)

It doesn't take a brick to fall on my head to know you all care. But I'm still a little mad. I feel a little failure in the fact that sometimes my health gets all screwy and I can't run with the big dogs. I'm ticked that a friend decided that, after all, I WAS just an option, no matter how much I cared and tried to be there for them and "checked out." But it gave me time to see the others around me who really DO have my best interests at heart. Who really do love me for...ME. So I thank that person for allowing me to realize my worth does not lie in their eyes. I thank that person for helping me to see the others around me who truly care about my heart and what it stands for.

Like Betsy. And Brad. These two people have basically kept tabs on me every day. I would say they are my two greatest friends. No matter if I was at work or home, I would check my phone or go to break and find a funny text or a sweet voicemail. Even a funny picture or two. It's kinda hard to stand in the corner pouting when you get a funny pic of Dewey posing for the camera (Dewey is Betsy's extremely handsome cat, btw) or a hand-drawn picture of a stick figure with arms open wide screaming, "I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH!!



Or even this cute little pic from my daughter exclaiming that two heads are better than one...



Sooo, I guess it's time to let a little smile replace the pout, even though the arms are still folded, albeit not as tightly, across my chest. I'm looking secretly out of the corner of my eye and feeling a little break in my defiant attitude. I want to slowly join in the party again. Yes, I'm still a little miffed at myself, weight gain and all, but I will get back out there on my trail again, huffing and puffing off the pounds. So, you see, PumpedUp, I did not quit. I may have felt like it, been tempted to do it, threatened to do it and had myself believing that I did it, but there is a spirit in me that won't allow me to. So there.

It's time to see, feel and enjoy the company of my TRUE friends. Who never gave up on me. Or who kindly gave me the space to go through the torrent of emotions that needed to be steamed off.

I'm healing. I will be okay.

God bless. You are loved.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHARON10002 2/17/2013 11:54PM

    Michelle, I'm sorry that you've been navigating potholes in your life lately. So very sorry to hear about your accident at work. But I am TRULY glad to see you back and read this blog. I have missed you! But I also knew that you were having to concentrate what little energy you had, and trying to bring yourself back into balance once again.

I know that little pouty girl myself. It's rough when she decides to show up. I know she is trying as only she knows how to protect me, but I also know that I just have to let her be, not judge her, and she'll leave on her own accord eventually. I've gained back much of the weight I lost too, so I know how you feel. It's hard not to let those ANTS get to us, and make us crazy. Of all the judgments we pass in life, none is more important than the judgment we pass on ourselves. You have been an example of that to me through your blogs, and your precious notes, and goodies.

I stumbled upon your page by accident, and I'm here to tell you that it is one of the best accidents that I've had in this lifetime. You set the bar high, Michelle, but in the best possible way. You are a shining star to me, and your spark has illuminated many a dark night for me.

I've missed you. . . You are so loved.







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TRIANGLE-WOMAN 2/15/2013 8:16AM

    Oh, that little girl resides in me too. No worries for us though because we KNOW she is there.

Give her a big hug for me!!

XOXO

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GEEMAWEST 2/14/2013 12:09PM

    These 'rough patches' are never fun but they make us stronger. I too am struggling right now. Just lost my job. I spent time wallowing and now I need to move on.

We can do this!! Hang in there, Michelle. You are a very strong woman.

Love and Hugs!

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TNGRAHAM 2/14/2013 11:09AM

    I saw your post and had to leave a comment.
I too had a rough patch it lasted almost 3 years I gained most of the weight back that I had lost, I am now back on track and hope to stay there. Good Luck to you in YOUR journey don't let anyone dictate to you how your supposed to do this. emoticon
Taniya a fellow sparker

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JUNIAATROME 2/14/2013 10:03AM

    Welcome back on track - makes two of us already. emoticon

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STAYCXL-NOMORE 2/14/2013 12:31AM

    Glad you are back in action my friend !! You have been missed but sometimes we all need to do is step back look over the bigger picture and you are right, you are not a quitter , you are anything but !!! You may kick us when we are down but once we get up your screwed !!! Hope you are feeling better from your work injury :( You know who has your back anytime this SF for sure !! You are loved Michelle , by many here and in your personally life I sure of it:) Have a good rest of the week !! XOXO
Stacey

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SPUNKYDUCKY 2/14/2013 12:22AM

    Hey beautiful, I am in Belize on vacation but I just wanted to reach out and send some love your way. I am also a pouty girl so I know how you are feeling. I am sorry for the loss of your friend - regardless of whether or not he/she was a true friend, I know it hurts to feel rejected. I am sorry too that your body has been a source of stress and not a source of comfort. It is hard to keep a positive mood when you are cooped up, sick and in general short on endorphins. Regardless, you are wonderful and you will be back on top of the world soon. If it helps to know that people care - here I am - I care!
Take care of you,
Hollynn

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ARUNNINGKAT 2/13/2013 2:43PM

    So sorry to hear about all that you are going through! I have missed your comments and involvement on Spark, although I admit I have not been so good at expressing that and checking up on you like some others have. Sorry about that! You have been such a huge encouragement to me and I am glad to have you as a Sparkfriend! Hope you feel better soon! emoticon emoticon

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JADOMB 2/13/2013 12:01PM

    Thank you for letting us back in to your thoughts. I know before this year I didn't know you from Adam. (or would that be EVE?) anyway, I've come to know you like a best friend or sister and don't want to lose you. I look forward to your posts and your stories and knowing that I have a great friend I can always talk with. DON'T YOU EVER LEAVE ME AGAIN. ;-)

So sorry to hear that things went south for a bit and I pray things will get better soon. In times like these I know space is sometimes the best medicine and I will always give you what you need to work things out. I also can go through the pouty stage from time to time and it doesn't seem like any of my old tricks helps me through them. But eventually I regain my strength, dust myself off and go forward. I know you can too.

So take your time, find your strength, and know that we are all here to help when you need it. God bless, my good friend.

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TRENTDREAMER 2/13/2013 8:33AM

    "We've all seen her. The little girl in the corner at the party with her arms folded across her chest and a pouty mouth, mad because something didn't go her way."
* It's amazing how quickly people jump to the conclusion that having negative emotions turns them into little whiny/pouty little kids.


"The people around her are trying their best to make her smile, to reassure her that it's going to be okay, just come out and have some fun. "
* Yes, people who do that make it worse.
"make bad emotions go away!!........they make me uncomfortable......can't address.......'Pity Party!!'".

(That's why when I'm struggling with sadness, frustration and disappointment, I stop talking to anyone I'm not really close with for a time. Makes the noise go away.)


"A couple of weeks ago I got hurt at work which resulted in an accident report, a few days of being incapacitated on the couch and light duty at work. Not to mention the ultimate loss of a friendship that I didn't have the energy to try to maintain anymore. "
* Really sorry to hear about these. Both of those would really hit me hard. emoticon emoticon

"You guys won't let me wallow, will you? "
* I absolutely will let you! In fact I strongly encourage you to do so.
* Feel it. Experience it. Work through it.
* In both cases you've lost something (even if only for a season)...
* ...so grieve them.
Please don't make me write another "Power of Negative Thinking" blog.


"Now you guys have resorted to commenting on my page, some with 'tough love.'"
* I haven't read the comments, I admit. If it the usual "tough love" that involves the usual cliches, then it's anything but tough. It's avoidance.

Trent's "Really-Really-This-Love-Might-Kill
-You-Type-of-Tough-Love" Love:
* Don't get over it. Get through it. Process it.
* Experience the pain. Treat yourself exactly as you would treat someone else going through the same thing.
* Find someone who you've been close with who you have been able to experience this type of thing with and lean on them for a season. Make this a real person and real friend, not a lucky rabbits foot deity or acquaintance who only knows what you give them.

"Then my weight increased. (I am now back up to 124.5.) "
* Really sorry to hear. Weight gain is big-time frustrating.

" I'm ticked that a friend decided that, after all, I WAS just an option, no matter how much I cared and tried to be there for them and "checked out.""
* again emoticon emoticon


" I would say they are my two greatest friends. No matter if I was at work or home, I would check my phone or go to break and find a funny text or a sweet voicemail. "
* I'm very thankful that you have them in your life.

"Sooo, I guess it's time to let a little smile replace the pout, even though the arms are still folded, "
* I stand by what I said earlier. Please make sure that it is.

"It's time to see, feel and enjoy the company of my TRUE friends. Who never gave up on me. Or who kindly gave me the space to go through the torrent of emotions that needed to be steamed off. "
* Amen!

"I'm healing. I will be okay. "
* w00t!

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BKNOCK 2/13/2013 6:45AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/13/2013 6:46:15 AM

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CELESTE_B 2/13/2013 6:30AM

    Haha....love the photo's! What great friends to have.

I recently had the spat with a friend. I have to admit...she wont be missed. She's the type that like to start problems and when you call her on it (which is what I did) she blew up. She even turned it around that she was the victim in the end.

Thing is, sometimes there are people in our lives that really don't belong. Kind of like that car you bought when you were single. It was fast, only had two doors and it was cool. You loved to drive it. It was perfect. Then, you got married and decided that you wanted a more practical car. You still love your old car but you decided to keep it around. Every day, you pull in your driveway and see the car. You know it's not for you anymore but you look at it and you don't want to part with it. But in your heart of heart you know it's time to let it go.

Friends are like that. Through life you'll have lots of friends. You'll also have those core friends you've had since grade school. Those are the friends you can see once a year and it's almost like you never missed a beat.

Then, you have friends you enjoy spending time with and you don't always get to see each other but you make time.

Then you have friends that are more like acquaintances. They seem like a big deal...but really when the tough get going...they're gone.

Your worth so much more than that...and don't get me wrong acquaintances are nice. Some will surprise you...but you can't let it get you down when they feel overwhelmed by something going on in their life. Lord knows, they may have something going on in theirs they don't really know how to deal with.

Big hugs to you. Get your workouts in and the weight will come off. You know it will.

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MARINEMAMA 2/13/2013 5:17AM

    Smile beautiful! Sorry about your rough patch! It's time to dust yourself off and spread your sunshine! emoticon

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DOVESEYES 2/13/2013 12:53AM

    Oh what a time you have had ...sorry... emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FLEMIDG 2/13/2013 12:27AM

    Sorry you had some bad times. Good for you for not giving up. You are too special for that. You are so loved. I love the pic of your daughter. Put the past behind you and reach for the future. You can do this. We're all pulling for you. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BRADMILL2922 2/12/2013 11:39PM

    Lift that chin up, unfold those arms, and turn that frown upside down! Why? Have you seen how cute that "two heads are better than one" picture is? What a great picture! I also think the "I love you this much" picture is full of awesomeness but I may be a bit biased on that one!

Your spirit is to strong, your smile is to bright, and your your soul is beautiful to be held down for to long. You may come across the ever present rabbit hole but I for one will stretch across it to help keep you from tumbling down!

Life can be unfair and the self-pity may want to take over but you have people who DO have your best interests at heart and who DO love you for YOU! But, if you were to tumble down that rabbit hole from time to time, just check that picture and see how far those arms will stretch to catch you. Just sayin'.

You will be ok. YOU ARE LOVED.



emoticon

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KING_SLAYER 2/12/2013 11:07PM

    Michelle,

I am so happy that you are back, you are that ray of sunshine that brightens everyone's day! I know my world was just a little more bleak while you were gone, but now you're back and the world seems to be getting itself back in order.

Welcome home :)

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WALLAHALLA 2/12/2013 11:06PM

    Gotta love that picture of your daughter. I had a stinky evening, and that made me laugh out loud. Glad to hear you are recovering.

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KATRINAKAT23 2/12/2013 10:59PM

  emoticon emoticon

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MCSPRYGADA 2/12/2013 10:58PM

    Beautiful writing and a beautiful testament to your character!

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AJDOVER1 2/12/2013 10:38PM

    It's GREAT to see you back!
emoticon emoticon

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CARTOONB 2/12/2013 10:32PM

    I'm sorry that you've been through a rough patch. But once again, you've pulled through and set yourself straight...with help from those who love you most. Missed you.

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