No matter what you turn into when you grow up, when you're raise a good Catholic kid, you pick up some life long habits that just happen and one of those is Lent. When you're a kid, you give up candy or soda. You get older you give up cursing, or chocolate. What if it's not just about giving up? What if we can also gain? Not a selfish gain, but something for our health, well being and our own soul so to speak. Just think, when you give up soda, you're gaining a healthy habit when you replace it with water.
I'm in a critical place right now. I'm still in my apartment. For four years or so I've moved into my parents house for support for several months. It's tough living alone to begin with, it gets tougher when you have recurring depression and anxiety. But as Jack Sparrow says the problem isn't the problem, the problem is your attitude toward the problem. Do I wait until I'm freaked and crippled in my bed? NO. What I do it continue to keep the safety net out, batten down the hatches, call in the support and stay positive. My parents say I can visit for a week, but I think that would be more of a set back. After this many years working with someone on this I have so many tools now. The feelings are the same, they come like allergies do. It's how I react to them that has been slowly changing over the years.
Since everything else is manageable the priority through this spell is getting to work every day. After I get to work every day I have to make sure I'm doing a good job sleeping. The rest of the day is mine to have fun with. I know my parents back me 100% but I need to stop bugging them so much all the time. It has to be upsetting for them to see me so distressed going through this. Mornings are the worst and every morning I send my dad a good morning email with mostly horrible stuff in it. I think starting tomorrow morning I'm going to give that up. If my feelings are constant, I don't have to poke my dad with it every day. In the beginning it started as an occasional email when I had a bad day and then it turned into a daily ritual that would cause a panic if I didn't send one. I think tomorrow needs to start a run of positive ones, and maybe after I get a few of those under my belt, I'll skip a day here and there. I want to really reduce the worry I cause.
There are good days and bad days with this and no way to predict it. I'm doing okay so far this week and that's what counts. Yeah I need to work out, seriously. I'll get there, I'll get to everything. So many positive changes are already in place so I build from there. I've done a lot already to see myself through this month so I'll stick to it. I'll keep ahead of my plans at work, and continue to leave work at work and keep it separate. I'll also stay on top of my school work for my class on Thursday nights this semester. I'm going to enjoy the class, and I have the book so I keep up with the chapter reading, start the labs when they're posted so I can get out as early as possible and submit everything on time and of the highest quality. Now that I've worked with the program twice in class and I have what I need to load the software at home, I am going to try lab 3 here at home and see how much I can get through without help in class. You only have to stay for lab as long as you need to finish it. The labs are due by the next class session, but my idea is to have it completed and submitted by the end of the actual class session, no slacking for me. The better I get at the program, the easier it is for me to do the labs on my own, plus I have access to the lab before class every week, so I'll be leaving while most of the class stays. That's how it was last semester too.
Right now it's only 9:30pm and I went through my list of things to do before bed already. Breakfast and lunch set up, water bottle filled, coffee pot ready, my bag for work is packed up with an umbrella and everything, I have an outfit picked up, the sink is empty and the counter is wiped, the kitty litter is scooped and the plants are watered, the garbage is out and the dishwasher is empty. These are the easy things I do every night to make my mornings that much easier. All I do is shower, drink amazing coffee, get dressed and listen to the rock and roll morning show on Q104.3. With a morning like that, why am I writing depressed emails to my dad every morning? I need to keep changing my attitude. I have been trying to stay up later so I sleep through the night better, but I wouldn't mind going to bed soon. Can't keep my eyes open, off go bed with me.