Tuesday, February 12, 2013
1-I change out of my clothes into PJ's immediately after I eat dinner
2-Sometimes I change into pj's before I eat and I eat later
3-I cook very rarely now
4-I didn't go to Relay for Life Mardi Gras Party fundraiser because I didn't want to see people that I haven't seen since before Ed died
5-I hear a waltz and I cry and cry and cry
6-I can't listen to a couple of Zac Brown Band songs because I get so sad
7-I cry very easily, sometimes with no particular trigger
8-I am making plans to get a cat on Sunday
9-I am tired more now than before Ed died
10-I worry about money now
Today I walked farther than I have been and faster because I walked the same number of minutes. That is good but, boy, am I stiff tonight. I am also very tired. I know the tiredness is from the extreme emotions that I have been experiencing. The overwhelming sadness, probablem brought on by the fact that Valentine's day is Thursday and all of the ads are huge reminders that my Valentine, the love of my life, is gone from my earthly life. It is funny that this should bother me since we didn't celebrate the day very much. With November birthdays, Christmas , January birthdays and our wedding anniversary we usually only exchanged cards and sent cards to our girls and grandchildren. Yet, the ads are, evidently. triggering this extreme sadness that floods me and brings the rivers of tears.
For a while tonight I didn't feel the sadness. My daughter came over and brought my grnadgirl and grandboy. They helped elevate my mood and I was so proud of Keegan. He had won an award at his Bible Study Club today and he did his homework with out fussing and in record breaking time for him. Maeryn was her normal cute and delightful self. They do bring smiles to my face.I promised them that soon I would ask their aunt to come over and they could spend the night with me. That will be something else to look forward to.
I got a FB message from the lady with the cat. She will call Saturday and we will arrange for me to go get her and I will be her new person. I know better than to say "Owner" as I won't own her but she will own me and allow me to be her person. At least I hope she will.