Whew… becoming a grown-up sucks, and yes I’m almost 28, but I don’t consider myself a grown-up… until after I graduate from grad school.

I really don’t know what I want to do after I graduate. I went to ask for a post-doc, partly because that’s what’s expected… I really want to apply for jobs at companies too… but there’s less support for that decision. And its more grown-up-y… and scary… and out of my comfort zone.

So last Thursday I got an e-mail back from a researcher who I wanted to do a post-doc with. She wanted to do a phone interview, but since I was in StL this weekend for the Blues game, I asked to meet her in person. I like that better. So I set up an appointment for Monday *stress!*

So I printed out a gazillion papers to read. And tried not to freak out about not having anything to wear. I figured, heck, no problem. I have tops I just need some new shoes and new pants. My mom was going to go with me… so I didn’t freak out too bad. That came later.

After my mom decided she didn’t want to go, I waited for my friend Krista to finish with work and we headed out. I got some new flat shoes… and then no pants. Went to store 2 and 3 and 4 and 5… no pants! Ack! This was starting to piss me off. Now add pressure and the fact that I needed nice pants… coupled with not being able to find said pants… that fit or looked good… and I tried not to be a crab a$$.

Clothes shopping lately hasn’t been too horrible for me. I found stuff I look good in and I rock it… but job interview appropriate pants… yea… none to be found! I look great in pencil skirts and dresses, so that’s been most of my dressy clothes lately. Pants = jeans. The End.

Friday clothes shopping was a bust, so luckily TJ was more than willing to tag along with me on Saturday. We skipped Mardi Gras so that I could prep for my job interview, and find pants. After breakfast I headed over to a different mall. Stores 1, 2, 3, and 4 were a bust. I kinda started to flip out a little. You can only try on so many horrible looking pairs of pants before you start hating your body.

*Note, I do not hate my body. I should rephrase that to say, “hate the way your body looks in certain clothes.” My nemesis = dress pants! I refuse to say horrible things about my body, its unhealthy, but my thighs just do not look good in flimsy pants. I need thicker fabric to hide the cellulite. Hell I should just invest in Spanx tights to wear under pants if I’m going to have to wear some at work. But back to shopping. After passing by everything… I finally walked into The Limited. Now I’ve never shopped in The Limited before. There isn’t one down here where I live, and in StL I just have better options usually that I go to… But I was stuck, on a deadline and needed pants. Being a new shopper, I didn’t know what size pants I wear there. I’m a size 8 at the GAP. Other stores I fit in size 10 skirts… and yet other stores I wear size 12 pants. I get it. Women can’t rationally design clothes. As TJ put it, “women’s stores size their clothes to get the clientele they want.” So being me, I grab size 10 and 12 pants to try on. I get in the dressing room… not a 10… fine I’m a 12. Try on the 12s… not a 12 either. Now it’s the end of the time I had set aside for shopping, so I put on my big girl panties and went back out for the quick tour of ‘what the heck do they have in a size 14’ round… Not much. Apparently they only go up to a size 14, so my butt was literally almost too big for this store. I luckily found ONE pair that wasn’t horrible, and by that point I just threw my credit card at the lady and wanted to get out of the mall.

There is nothing worse than clothes shopping to bring up all of your old insecurities and body issues. I try not to get hung up on the size of clothes, but its been a long time since I felt like I was too fat to shop at a store. And I’m not too fat to shop there, that’s a horrible thing to say – but clothing stores like that make me nuts. They have everything sized so much smaller than other stores. There’s still a part of my brain that cringes when I realize my hips are wide or my butt looks big… but then I remember that my a$$ can rock a pencil skirt, and my boyfriend is FAR from complaining about my assets.

So this weekend I learned I am a size 8 AND a size 14. Heck somewhere else I’d probably run a 16…. SO what… I found clothes that fit and looked nice = mission accomplished.

Saturday night I went to the Blues game with TJ and couple friends of mine. We were in the club seats so we had free food and drinks. So we all went starving. I ate too much grease. I used it as stress relief after shopping. TJ and Keith each put away 8-12 beers… they lost count. Erin put away 3 glasses of wine and two beers and got wasted. She ended up screaming in my ear about being my maid of honor at the wedding and TJ having to ask her for permission to marry me… *yea, that went over well. After I drove everyone home, my belly was complaining about all of the nasty food I put into it. I had bloat belly… not a good feeling.

Sunday TJ played Minecraft all day while I read papers ALL DAY. I kid you not. This girl was preparing.

Monday I spent the day prepping even more… planning my strategy to talk to her… then I met with the doctor I wanted to work for. Now she is awesome. I’d love to do the research… I just have to find my own money. This is a common problem right now. No one has any money to hire you. In science, if you can write a grant and get yourself funded = mission accomplished. Usually though, you need someone to carry you until you can get a grant. She just doesn’t have it right now. But I think I made a good impression, so hopefully I can convince her to take me.

What might interest you all, is the fact that she studies how maternal obesity can lead to cancer in the offspring. Specifically having a high-fat diet/obese mother, might change gene expression in the fetus as its developing, which could lead to health problems in the children. Children born to obese mothers tend to gain weight faster than children born to normal weight mothers – even if they are on the same diet.

Health facts like this are one of the reasons I lost my weight in the first place. I knew that if I wanted to start a family in the future, I would want to be in great shape. *No need to despair though. Simply exercising and eating healthy, even if you have a higher BMI makes things better for your future kids.

I’d like to explore this further in a post-doc. Obesity and its health effects are only going to get worse as my generation starts reproducing. The obesity epidemic is fully raging, and if we can understand the science behind WHY some kids gain more weight than others, potentially we can create more effective treatment programs to combat it.

Okay I’m taking my science hat off now… Its crunch time! I have a lot of things to accomplish and not a lot of time to do it in… no pressure though, right? ;-)