Tuesday, February 12, 2013
I’m not hungry. In fact I feel kind of sick. Now, I can’t decide if I feel sick because I am sick OR I feel sick because of my day. (I’m guessing it’s the second answer.)
My day was okay for a while. When I posted my last blog, I was in fairly high spirits. Then, I had one of those moments...you know...the ones that throw off the rest off your day.
We’ve all had one of these moments I bet. A coworker, offhandedly makes a comment about your weight. You know what I’m talking about, right?
Where I work, being fit is EVERYTHING. Now you would think that since it is an academic institution, that they’d be a little less focused on fitness...but you’d be wrong. They’re all into marathons, weight lifting, being “healthy” (which is often code for having a really effective eating disorder). Their obsession with appearances borders on the insane.
So, today my friend (sort of)/coworker made a slight about my size. She wears a size zero and competes in bike races that go over mountains and things. We used to hang out and stuff...back when I was a size zero. We’d get coffee and talk. Now, we don’t. When did our relationship change? When I put on 20 pounds. Not. Even. Joking.
Sounds petty, huh?
Yet, if I call these folks out on it, they deny it. They will deny it until they are blue in the face.
I’m not even that BIG! I am, according to my doctor, eight pounds over weight. EIGHT! But, because I’m not a size zero...I’m not one of the cool kids.
It’s all so high school!
The worst part is, I’m afraid this nonsense is going to push me right back into the eating disorder that caused me to be a size zero to begin with. I’m here at Spark People not because I want to lose weight. I could lose weight without SP, trust me...I KNOW how to lose weight. I’m here because I want to lose weight the RIGHT way and truly be healthy...not just “look healthy.”
Now I have to go force feed myself, before I have a complete meltdown and stop eating.