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    LILLIPUTIANNA   20,344
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Ranting Blog Filled With Ranting

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Im not hungry. In fact I feel kind of sick. Now, I cant decide if I feel sick because I am sick OR I feel sick because of my day. (Im guessing its the second answer.)

My day was okay for a while. When I posted my last blog, I was in fairly high spirits. Then, I had one of those moments...you know...the ones that throw off the rest off your day.

Weve all had one of these moments I bet. A coworker, offhandedly makes a comment about your weight. You know what Im talking about, right?



Where I work, being fit is EVERYTHING. Now you would think that since it is an academic institution, that theyd be a little less focused on fitness...but youd be wrong. Theyre all into marathons, weight lifting, being healthy (which is often code for having a really effective eating disorder). Their obsession with appearances borders on the insane.

So, today my friend (sort of)/coworker made a slight about my size. She wears a size zero and competes in bike races that go over mountains and things. We used to hang out and stuff...back when I was a size zero. Wed get coffee and talk. Now, we dont. When did our relationship change? When I put on 20 pounds. Not. Even. Joking.

Sounds petty, huh?

It is.

Yet, if I call these folks out on it, they deny it. They will deny it until they are blue in the face.

Im not even that BIG! I am, according to my doctor, eight pounds over weight. EIGHT! But, because Im not a size zero...Im not one of the cool kids.

Its all so high school!


The worst part is, Im afraid this nonsense is going to push me right back into the eating disorder that caused me to be a size zero to begin with. Im here at Spark People not because I want to lose weight. I could lose weight without SP, trust me...I KNOW how to lose weight. Im here because I want to lose weight the RIGHT way and truly be healthy...not just look healthy.



Now I have to go force feed myself, before I have a complete meltdown and stop eating.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LILLIPUTIANNA 2/13/2013 11:12AM

    Thanks everyone for the support!

I know I shouldn't let my coworkers get under my skin like that. That particular coworker is a regular problem for me.

MIDNIGHTER1 is right in a way. It's a chicken and the egg situation. I could never figure out if I withdrew because I gained weight or I gained weight because I withdrew. There was some pretty ridiculous drama amongst our social group. So, I started feeling uncomfortable around them. But none of them made any sort of effort to reach out to me...and the snarky comments about my weight started shortly after.

BECCAZEN7 is right about the individual in question being sort of damaged. While my "friend" might seem like a powerful and self-confident woman, when nobody is watching, she is a hot mess.

emoticon

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SUNKAT 2/13/2013 8:43AM

    Yeah, the skinnies just can't comprehend what it takes to survive in a world of food. You stay strong, do what is best for you and your situation and don't let the jerks get you down. This is your health and your future you are fighting for. If they can't support you then they aren't really friends emoticon are they?!

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BECCAZEN7 2/13/2013 7:13AM

    Well, having NEVER been a size ZERO, I can say that I have NOTHING in common with those girls....but that's ok, I really don't want that. I don't like them because they made you feel bad - they are shallow - you have depth. Also, I read this book a while ago called the Four Agreements (Toltec wisdom) and it made me realize that the things that people say - their words have very little to do with you (or me), really it is about them! So, don't take anything they say personally. Makes me wonder how much that girl must really hate herself or what bad things have happened to her to make her like that. Then I fart and walk away. Ba ha ha. emoticon

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MIDNIGHTER1 2/12/2013 7:11PM

    Hmmm. The one thing you will find out about me is I see things slightly different. Or the other perspective. I know you feel you so-called-friendship suffered when you accumulated the 20 pounds,but maybe you shied away.( No pouting and frowning) I hid myself away and did not feel comfortable hanging out with the kool kids. A subtle change can make you unintentionally isolate yourself from people. I went from shooting pool ,dancing and being the kool guy, to the guy who just disappeared.
Now since that can't be it, I would guess that your so-called-friend,just abandoned you. Not supported or offered help or concern. This is sad because you are smart,sarcastic and funny. She is missing that. Be true to yourself.
Do this the right.I am sure you will not be lacking in friends or miss the shallowness of the ones you lost.
Don't force yourself to eat,enjoy that health meal. Savor it,draw those nutrients and be happy you are way too smart and resourceful to fail.

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CATSPANK 2/12/2013 6:16PM

    I wouldn't spend any more time with this person than you absolutely have to. People who run you down shouldn't be graced with your presence. She is a loser. The kind of person that makes damaging remarks for her own sick pleasure. These people get NONE of my time. Just go ahead and eat your meal and take the weight off the proper way. You are doing what is right for you. Don't let her snarky comment spoil your stride.

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PAPASMURF1957 2/12/2013 6:00PM

    Small minded people say small minded things. Sad that such people exist in your world. You are here for you and isn't it wonderful that you can rant and someone here can understand your pain? I'm glad you are here. I'm glad that you rant today and used your mind instead of your appetite to deal with this. Well done!!!

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