I wanted to update y'all. I looked into my church for counseling and have sent them a message. I'm waiting to hear back. I attend a very big church (as big as Lakewood back when Lakewood first started in the 90's), so if I have to - I will look outside of the church (although I don't want to) and try to find a Christian counselor/therapist. I have no extra money and no insurance so even though this scares me financially, I will not give up on the help I know I need or make excuses.

Thank you for the prayers, comments and thoughts. It means a lot to me.

This is the info I found on my church website.

www.fotw.org/ministries/
counseling-recovery

I do feel a little better today. It's a day by day struggle to keep a clear head and mind and to stay positive. But, I know I have Him with me. He won't give up on me. I just have to now let Him down either - along with everyone else. :(