Tuesday, February 12, 2013
I've learned a lot in the last two years, much of it about me and what I'm responsible for in my life. I've also learned that I have the right to limit time spent with folks who don't do positive things for my health. Unfortunately, my mom sometimes falls into this category.
Growing up, I was a chubby child and this distressed my mom. She had me on low carb diets at age nine because she told me "people will like you better if you're skinny". Clearly, that was not in the cards for me and I grew into adulthood still on the heavy side and resenting those pressures from her and deciding that "watching my weight" was something in which I was not interested. She was so obssessive about food and eating and it made me uncomfortable. I knew that when I had kids, I did not want to put them through that.
Thankfully, neither of my children has challenges with food or weight. I never made it an issue and tried to share with them the healthy habits that I did have, like eating lots of fruits and veggies and doing a lot of home cooking. When they were old enought to understand appropriately, I was honest with them about my overeating and why I thought I did it, and that's the best I could do at the time.
I've been here on SP consistently for 2 years now. I've lost over 60 lbs. and maintained that loss. I'm really proud of this and can feel that I am a different person when it comes to food. However, I must admit that there are days when I sort of miss it - overeating, I mean. It really was like having a faithful friend (at least for the 30 seconds before the cookie was gone.)
I've done this my way with Sparkpeople - not by going on "starvation diets" like my Mom (she still does this) and when she wants to "exchange diet tips" I can feel the resentment boiling up inside of me. She's been nice to me about it, but can't believe that I can get myself to voluntarily sweat or that I can have some sort of dessert with each dinner (I plan it and track it - not that hard to understand, but she just won't listen.) I don't want to share this with her and most of the time I avoid it pretty easily, but sometimes it still gets to me.
I've seen a therapist about this and I do cope pretty well, but sometimes I just need to vent!