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Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Today I made an active decision. Today I decided that I was tired of feeling out of control, or bad about myself because of my LACK of action, and today I took action. Today I feel empowered, because -I- decided to go for a work out this morning. -I- decided to go for my long route even though it had been more than 3 weeks since my last work out and -I- decided to power walk the entire walk doing in 25 minutes what I usually do in 35.

I was huffing. I was puffing. I felt like I wanted to collapse when it was over. I felt my knees get weak and I had that muscle achy feeling warning me that I would feel sore later.

But I felt good.

I felt like for once, despite my anxiety and stress and fear/feeling of the unknown that I had grabbed excaliber from stone and went charging ahead to conquore my inner demons, and beat back the self doubt with the one thing it can not stand up against.

My concious choice to do it anyway.

I'm tired. I'm out of shape. I haven't been losing weight. I am stressed. My life sucks. I am lonely at valentines day and missing my ex boyfriend, whom I only sort of love, some of the time. But mostly by default. And feeling guilty because of it all. My mom has been a real jerk lately, and my best friend and I are drifting away. Work is rough and isn't going my way. I am bored and unfullfilled in my career and feel completely unappreciated.

I have so many excuses. SO many reasons not to.

But only one reason why I should.

Because .. it's what -I- want to do, for me. For no one else. It's my health, and my choice and today I made a choice. A powerful, decision to get up off the couch and out into the early morning winter air.

I am THIDDY .. hear me roar!! You will not get the better of me, demons of self doubt, worry and anxiety. I CAN NOT HEAR you with the WIND in my ears...
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