I have finally officially lost 25 lbs. I say finally because I have been teetering for the past 3 weeks with a pound. When I weighed in on Saturday and she told me I reached that mark, I was so happy. However, I have been feeling so defeated and STUCK. I have been really struggling with portion control...just control period.

As you have read in my previous blogs, I am a list maker. It helps me put things into a different perspective. So...here it goes.

What does 25lbs mean to me or how has it made a difference:

~Lose clothing
~dropping into the 60's...started in the 90's
~People are really starting to notice and ask
~feeling less body aches
~my hubby is so proud of me...and tells me often
~dropping 2 clothing sizes.
~???? that is all I can think of

What I am struggling with:

~I have many emotions...some good and others not so good. Like noticing how much extra flab/skin I already have...and this is just the beginning.

~Feeling so dumpy in my clothes but not wanting nor have the $ to buy new ones. Why buy some when I hope to drop more sizes soon.

~Still have SO many days when I just LOSE it. Meaning my will power goes out the window and I binge. I did that this weekend and for the 1st time since I started WW in Oct, I see -15 points in my Weight Watchers tracker every day. It sucks to see it but also a reminder that I DON'T want to see that again.

~I am making every effort to use the WW plan as it is designed, but it means it has been very slow. It is hard to be patient. I have to keep telling myself that slow is better...slow is better....slow is better....slow is better.

~Going back to binge eating. Every tournament my daughter has had so far has lead to me over eating and losing control. I am the kind of person that if I blow it in the morning, I don't give a crap the rest of the day either. I need to start taking control of that. Being that my daughter has tournaments 3 of the 4 weekends each month until August...IT WILL BE DETRIMENTAL TO MY SUCCESS!

~I keep beating myself up inside when I have a bad day. I am enjoying the food while I am eating it, but then immediately I start making myself feel like a failure. Instead of being happy and proud of what I have accomplished so far, I steal my own joy and wallow in self pity...pretty pathetic, I know.

CONCLUSION:

TIME TO GET REAL....FACE REALITY.....AND DECIDE WHAT I WANT OUT OF THIS. Maybe this is the time that I start working on the inner me. Time to hash it out and figure out who I am, why I let myself get this size and what I need to fix (inside) so I don't get this way again.

My daughter once told me (a couple years ago when she was 10),

"You know what I want? I want my mom to start believing in herself".

Pretty powerful words from a child. I wrote them down on a post it note on my desk so I can see it everyday. I think it is time I START DOING.

OK, I feel better now. BRING IT!!