"In Great Britain the bones of King Richard III, who was killed in 1485, have been discovered under a parking lot. And you know how he died? Fighting over a parking space." -Jay Leno

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"This weekend a couple from Connecticut will have the longest marriage ever recorded in the U.S. They said the secret to their long-lasting marriage is love, compromise, and the fact that neither one of them has been able to hear a word the other one has said in more than 30 years." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"Last night runners from around the world competed in the annual race to the top of the Empire State Building. But there's already a scandal brewing. It turns out one of the competitors tested positive for elevator." -Jimmy Fallon