I am gonna lay it on the line: I am the slowest person in my training program. The messages that I tell myself about this are awful:
I am holding the group back.
I am just not a runner.
Who did I think I was even trying it?
I never was athletic.
I was always the slowest at everything.
I still am.
No one ever wanted me on their team.
I should have just gone it alone.
Here are some facts: When I started the 5km Sparkpeople training, I didn't make it the 1st time. I accomplished it about 5 months later on the second attempt. It wasn't always easy. Sometimes, I couldn't complete the run times, most of the time I could. Once, I could do it the first run of the week, not the second, & yes on the third.
Someone is going to be the fastest & someone is going to be the slowest in any group. Out there, there is someone faster & someone slower than both of those.
What would a good friend say?
It's what my boyfriend did say: I don't think it's about being the fastest or the slowest, it's about completing it.
He keeps telling people about what I'm doing. I think he is proud of me.
I am scared. It brings up all of those past humiliations from school and life. It brings up the feeling that I just don't belong.
I do usually feel pretty ecstatic after each session. I can't believe I'm still going.
No matter what, I am way better off than if I didn't try at all.
It is fun to have this goal.
I need to look at what my "inner athlete" can say too, or maybe my "inner life coach" and what about all of the Sparkpeeps who are each dealing with their own demons & angels along this path?
For now, I'm off to pilates for a bit of cross training.