Monday, February 11, 2013
well, if you didn't know it, you will now. i am a little OCD (obsessive complusive disorder). heck i think it should be CDO so it would be in alphabetical order! (lol!)
all kidding aside, when i am trying to lose weight, eat right, be healthy, my OCD really kicks in. and that is where i am now. i know that i have written about how i weigh myself everyday, and i got some really good ideas from spark friends of what to do instead, but i just can't seem to stop. i just anticipate every morning. "am i gonna be lighter today?" or, "what the heck? i GAINED 2 pounds???" then i focus in on that all.. day... long.
then there is the work out. i obsess about when am i gonna work out? what would be the best work out for today? will i be able to work out at least 4 times this week? will it be enough? did i work out hard enough?
then of course, there is the eating aspect of my OCD, "am i gonna stay in my ranges?" " is this really a good choice?" "why am i craving milk duds so much?" "what am i gonna eat when i go out?"
another "issue" i have is... "do these pants make me look 'frumpy'?", "are they too tight?" "is everyone staring at me?" "why am i still so fat?" "why did i let myself get this way?" and the worst... "i am NOT going out with my friends until i lose weight, i refuse to be the "fat friend". and not to mention, "you have done this so many times before, you are gonna fail again, so why bother trying?" "you will always have a big butt, fat, saggy tummy, so just eat what you want, it won't make a difference."
does any one else obsess about those things? how do i get my mind to turn off that recording that has been going on in my head for YEARS??? i try to have the positive thoughts, but goodness, the bad things are so much easier to believe...
here is the song, Obsession...