Monday, February 11, 2013
In my many years at this, I've heard a lot about the difference between diet and life change, short term and long term, willpower and plain power, and I have always ignored it. Change is hard. Temporary is less frightening than permanent. It was always just easier to think about my diet until I was done dieting. But. That's how I keep getting heavy, isn't it?
I guess I never really thought about the bigger picture. I never treated this like recovery, like a journey toward something better, healthier, more loving to myself. It's always been the calories, the numbers game, the weight number, the size numbers, the intake vs output. Even though I have been told time and time again that there is more to it, I just never got it. It was all about weight and size and loss. It's never been about everything you gain by taking this on, but this time, I can honestly say I have gained more than I have lost.
I was told today that my face looks different. "Well, yes, I've lost 35 pounds. . ." and she replied "that too". And I understand what she means. I'm calmer, more peaceful, happier, I'm putting good and loving things into my body, not just food and exercise, but positive energy, serenity, confidence. . . my body doesn't have to fill these emotional voids with pizza and French fries any more. It doesn't even want those things. It craves love. No substitutions. I'm at that point that I'm not going to short change myself by cramming food where love ought to be.
I am so thankful for all of the blessings that led me to this moment. My journey isn't over yet, but, whatever happens, I feel like I have already achieved what I set out to do here and more!