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    MAZZY0774   25,000
SparkPoints
25,000-29,999 SparkPoints
 
 
Sadness

Monday, February 11, 2013

I think I'm feeling too lost, sad and depressed. I came back to spark to help me with this since I think I'm feeling these feelings, because I'm still not doing what I should and lose the weight. I guess I'm feeling sorry for myself and like a loser. Some days I don't care and I get on the scale and smile because I haven't gained, but I need to be TRYING to lose - not just maintain. I don't know. I think I need therapy to deal with other crap in my head. My weight and food issues are a result of other emotions inside of me that have built up over many years. I decided once my son is 18 (year and a half) and in college and I know he's safe and taken care of there, I'm going to disappear alone. Not die, just disappear. I will keep in contact with my son, my sister and my bff so they know I'm ok. I don't know if it's age b/c I'm close to 40 or what, but I really don't feel like myself for months now. I struggle with what's 'normal' and wonder if I'm am I depressed. Anyways, I had to get that out. I'm tired of the pain inside and writing is my way to release it. It used to be exercise and feeling good about myself by exercising and eating healthy, but I just don't have the will anymore. emoticon
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SNOWYOGA 2/12/2013 1:01PM

    I really know how you feel( from what your saying) But I think you sound like a really sweet person and that putting it out here that might help and from what you said about caring about your son, you are a caregiver and I hope that we can be here to also care for and help you! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TERMITEMOM 2/12/2013 7:16AM

    Just like you opened up here, you need to get in touch with a professional... In the mean time, please know that we are all here for you! emoticon emoticon

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HEALTHYHAPPYDEB 2/11/2013 11:34PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SASSYTHING52 2/11/2013 10:38PM

    i understand where u coming from im thinking same aww if /at least im not gaining but i need to lose you are in my prayers emoticon emoticon

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WVROSE1 2/11/2013 10:14PM

    emoticon emoticon


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SPARTAN40 2/11/2013 10:07PM

    You have support at SP from lots of folks. I hope you are able to find your way back to feeling your normal self.

emoticon

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LAINIESNEWLIFE 2/11/2013 9:22PM

    I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I hope that you will find a counselor to talk to. Writing down your feelings in a journal may help you too. Take care!! You're in my thoughts and prayers!!

Hugs,

Laini
e

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MAGA99 2/11/2013 9:18PM

    emoticon

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MISSKEEL 2/11/2013 9:13PM

    So sorry you're feeling down, remember we all have our ups and down, know that you have our support and I encourage you to talk to someone. Writing helps me also, I wish you the best emoticon

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KATHYJO56 2/11/2013 8:02PM

    Please talk to your doctor about these feelings. This could be a chemical or hormonal imbalance. emoticon

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YAFENELRA 2/11/2013 7:31PM

    Talk with someone who you trust to keep things confidential. And just hang in there.

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PIXIE-LICIOUS 2/11/2013 7:06PM

    I hope you will talk to a counselor about these feelings.I am keeping you in prayer. emoticon

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GRACEOMALLEY 2/11/2013 7:01PM

    If you are feeling that sad and lost, you really should go to your doctor. It could be hormones, menopause, peri-menopause, or a variety of other relatively normal chemical fluctuations that are affecting you drastically/severely. A simple blood test may tell a lot - and in the meantime, we're all here for you.

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MTNGRL 2/11/2013 6:49PM

    emoticon emoticon You know we are all thinking of you and hope you find a bright spot in your days. Please seek out some help, you are so worth it.

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MONIBELLY 2/11/2013 6:40PM

    I agree that you need to talk to someone... it could be hormones, it could be depression, but at 40, you are too young to walk away from it all. Find someone, you will be so grateful that you did. If you can't muster up the energy to do it for yourself, do it for your son, who loves you.

My own mother suffered from depression...it does spill over.

(((hugs)))

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BARBARAROSE54 2/11/2013 6:36PM

    emoticon hope you seek professional help.

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LITTLE_QUEEN 2/11/2013 6:27PM

    emoticon WE LOVE YA

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SIMONEKP 2/11/2013 2:52PM

    Sorry you're feeling so down. Please try to seek out a professional to help you deal with some of this stuff.

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KITT52 2/11/2013 2:34PM

    sounds like you needs some help to get on the right track...hormones can play a huge part of how we feel.....good that you know you are feeling different...call your doctor and see what they reccomend....

good luck....your spark friends are always here for you

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NANFACEMIRE1 2/11/2013 12:04PM

    You should talk with someone......a good friend, your primary care doctor. If you could do a little exercise, even if you just go out and take a small walk, you may feel better. Good luck and let us know how you are doing. It is almost summer and the weather could be depressing you right now. Try to do a little something special each day and write it down. You can look back and see how things were going for a week or two.

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FANTASTIC731 2/11/2013 10:52AM

    Talk to someone. A professional at least that can help you cope with whatever it is inside.

Sometimes, just talking to a confidant is good - but there are times a professional can guide you through those tough times.

I've learned one thing in my 49 years:

Unless you deal with the baggage at hand, no matter where you go, you'll always drag the suitcase with you.

Hang in there!

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KJELLYBEAN15 2/11/2013 10:51AM

    So sorry you are feeling this way. Have to tried talking to someone about it, like a counselor? Have you always felt this way? I cant speak for you but I know I feel so much better when I consistently workout. It doesn't have to be a lot, but something. If you ever want to talk I am willing to listen.

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