Monday, February 11, 2013
Happy Monday SparkFriends!
The weather here in Missouri was absolutely beautiful yesterday. It was sunny and 60 degrees. I can't imagine anyone complaining. I have family in New England who weathered Nemo this weekend. It certainly made me grateful for my electricity and the wonderful weather.
This weekend I came across a one-liner that I had jotted down at some time or other..."When you're tired of being scared; go out and be brave." Back in 1991 I had my very first panic attack and it progressed until it was becoming difficult to even leave my house in 2004. When the fear became that unbearable; I became brave enough to walk into a therapist's office for the first time. With help, I've been able to take baby steps through that fear. Each step takes me further down the road than the last one just as each of the Al-Anon steps have taken me further down the recovery road than the previous one.
For the most part, I don't find fear and anxiety rearing it's head very often today. I still have travel phobia if it involves a long trip but even that has gotten much better. There are still a lot of travel situations I am not comfortable with. The thought of taking a road trip in the rain, bad weather or at night still bothers me to the point I am not going to take one very far away. I don't know that I'll ever be comfortable doing that. The baby step there is that I do them for short distances. But then again there was a time I couldn't imagine being excited about "any" type of road trip. The miracle is that I have actually taken some short trips in which I was excited and even looked forward to them.
Each time I become brave enough to walk through the fear; I move a little bit further on the recovery journey. I am thankful for the people who have supported me and are helping me on this journey. My husband has been so patient and supportive. I remember answering a question in a game once that asked..."What would most people be surprised to learn about you?" My answer to the question was..."That I am afraid a lot of the time." Usually no one would have even guessed when I was in the midst of a panic attack. Today, I am grateful that I'm not afraid most of the time today. But when I am afraid, it is almost instantaneous and intense. I am amazed at how quickly the fear can be triggered. On the other hand, I am also amazed at how few and far between those episodes are today.
There was a time I thought I couldn't do without pop but it's been around 7 months now since I've had any type of pop, even diet. I rarely even miss it today. I really need to give up sugar but I'm not there yet. Maybe someday soon, I'll go out and be brave enough to give that up also.
Are you afraid of something today that you wish you could go out and be brave? The first step is admitting it. The second step might be to find those who can hold your hand while you walk through the fear. Linda