Sunday, February 10, 2013
Today has been a bit of a rollercoaster day, not as bad as earlier roolercoaster days, but still a lot of ups and downs. It started out on the down side as I awakened early and thought that being up so early would make for a long day. i got up. took my thyroid pill, and crawled back into bed thinking I wouldn't go back to sleep. thankfully I was wrong and did sleep.
As I slept I dramt about Ed and me and our relationship. I woke up missing him so very much. I missed his being in the bed with me, snuggling close, and chatting for a while before getting up for coffee and a quiet and restful Sunday. That was a very down part of the day.
I got up, dressed, and waited for my younger daughter and her children to come get me to go to unch. Her church had given her money to take me to dinner since we had so much food after Ed's death that we were giving food away. It was quite nice of them to think "out of the box" so to speak. it wasn't good for my calorie count but that is ok once in a while. I will convienently forget to track my food again tonight.
The reat of the afternoon was busy, MC and kids stayed and then I had the kids while their Mom went to Bell Choir practice. I am so glad she is getting back into something with music. She played violin for 6 years. The kids and I walked for 35 minutes, good for me and good for them. This was a "level" sort of section of the rollercoaster day.
After I took the kids to their choir practice and came home I realized that Keegan had turned a light on in the living room. This particular light shines over a special piece of art that has Ed's photo as the main focus. Keegan loves to sit on the sofa and look at his "Pops'" picture. When I went in the room and saw the light shining on Ed I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach by a mule and I hit the bottom of the rollercoaster ride.
My stomach still hurts and my heart hurts, not like a physical hurt, but an emotional gut wrenching, nothing will be right again sort of pain. The lump in my throat is huge and the tears are pouring again.
I am sorry if this is a burden for others but I must get it out, I must get it in writing.
Lord I am overwhelmed by my grienf and by the grief of so many who have lost their loved ones. You, Lord, know who they are how how their loved ones died, som so tragically, and most so unexpectedly. Please draw near to all of us, wrap your comforting arms around us, and guide us through these dark times. Amen