Sunday, February 10, 2013
Do you know that moment when you thought you were fine than BAM! you realize you are far, far from fine? I had one of those yesterday.
On Saturday, it felt like a miracle that I finally stopped crying from my Grandma's passing. After the wake and funeral, it felt like it just would not stop. I even told work on Friday it would be best if I did not come in because I don't think it would be a good representative of the company for new prospects.
When Saturday came along, I was exhausted but was able to go to work. On the way home, I stopped at the grocery store for some fruit. On a whim, I got cheese puffs. By the time, I got home the bag was nearly empty! Mind you, that was just across town.
I think it's safe to say I am mad at myself. I know better. I guess I thought it was safe. Far from it! I think I just bottled my emotions up and when I do that I emotional eat. Moral of the story is it is better to deal with emotions than try to be strong and bottle them up inside.
My grandma was so proud of me for losing the 100 pounds and for keeping it off. For some reason, it seemed she wanted us grandchildren to lose weight and be skinny. Now that I am older (and wiser), I think it was because life seems to be easier for the skinny. Mind you, it really isn't.. just seems that way. Anyhow, she wanted the best for us girls.
Not only was she proud of me for losing weight, she was really proud of my running. At the funeral, my grandpa's daughter (someone I met that day because the two sides of the family never mingled) could identify me as the granddaughter who lost weight or runs half marathons. Mind you, I just met this woman so it showed me how proud my Grandma was of me.
My Grandma came to one of my half marathons. A gift I was given. She was going to come to my race when I was planning do the full marathon but I didn't run last year.
I was going to run today but between seeing my fat roll spill over my running pants and these emotions being very close to the surface, I decided to go home. This year, my goal is to the Whistlestop Half Marathon in October. I might do it in memory of her. I might find a few 5Ks with the fundraising going towards heart disease and do them in her memory.
She died from having an aneurysm at the age of 72. So young.. really. She had so much more life to live. Much like the rest of the family, I was not ready for her to pass on.