Seriously need support, help, a kick in the butt

Sunday, February 10, 2013

(whining) : Yesterday we did my husband's and my Valentines day since we'll both be working.
Today, I'm back up to 230. Ugghhhh! I know I shouldn't weigh in everyday, but fig newton guys! I thought I was being careful. So much for that. I always do this when I first start out, it's like I'm purposely sabotaging myself. Why?? Maybe I really don't want change. Maybe I want to be lazy forever.

Truth be told, I would love to go down 50 lbs. I would love to be 180 again. Why is it so hard for me? I've done it before. I guess what will always be a struggle for me is food. Which I know for most of you must be sad. Sometimes I will struggle getting up and actually doing something. But, for the most part I will always have that fear that carried over from my childhood. What if this is the last time I'm going to eat? What if I won't be able to eat the rest of the day? I can't share my food because I always see it from survival point of view. I might not have food later to eat, so I will eat all this food.

It is absolutely ridiculous the power food has had over me. I mean, I try to this of it as fuel. That's all it is suppose to be for. So all that should matter to me is how to fuel my body properly for the day. Not what's tasty. Not what sounds good. What does my body need to get through the day? Food is Fuel, not meant to be a luxury or a treat. I just need to truly learn this, and I think most of my gaining weight problems will dissolve. (end of whining).

For the most part I just needed to rant. And have someone to rant too. To be honest, I wish I could find a spark team I wanted to be more active with. With challenges.

I wish I had someone to talk to about this mostly. I would tell my friends and family but most are not that supportive. I will have to just keep looking trying to find a group that posts often and maybe I could find a virtual 5k... Anything really.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Making the decision to change is a hard step that you've already taken so you are doing great!! Honestly, EVERY day is a struggle for me, I don't know when it won't be. So you have people that understand. Just keep going. You can do it!! It will be worth it in the end when you meet your goal and you've got a baby on the way :)
    1807 days ago
    Don't give up!! I think that losing weight is just as much of a mental/emotional struggle as it is physical. Because we have to completely change the way we think about food to be successful and that is soooo much harder than following a diet/workout plan. Don't forget to celebrate the small victories!!!! There are so many small victories that go un-noticed because it's easier to see where we went wrong. Heck....I'm excited because I ate cauliflower (without calorie laden sauces) this weekend and enjoyed it :-). Look for the little things; like that fact that you're back on track and working to change your life. Or that you even recognize your attitude regarding food....most people don't and that's a huge step in the right direction to just realize what needs to change :-)
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    1807 days ago
    Your food frustrations resonate with me. I'm trying to adjust my attitude, to view eating as something I do to show my love for my body, for myself. I try to view little choices as little moments when I reaffirm my focus on taking care of myself. It's good that you got to vent! Last year, I completed the Couch to 5K program, using a free podcast produced by Chubby Jones. If you have an ipod, I *highly* recommend Chubby Jones. She's funny, encouraging, and she makes the C25K program all the more manageable. For instance, sometimes mid-run, she'll say "Now, take a moment to appreciate that you are a sexy beast. Give yourself a high five." I'm sure this isn't for everyone, but it made me laugh and keep going.
    1808 days ago
    Sometimes a good vent helps. I agree-the food is the hardest part I'm at the point if really trying to prepare everything in advance...but I also hate the fact that it's going to be a struggle forever. Knowing how you feel does make it at least easier to go forward-maybe try to work around it or with it. Just keep pushing-you can do it!
    1808 days ago
    I am wishing you all the support you need from as many Sparkers as humanly possible! A majority of us have the same struggle with food each day...I hope that you find the right team for you, complete with challenges that carry you on your wanted journey! Please know that we are here, challenges or not, and support you all the way!
    1808 days ago
    I'm sorry to hear of your frustrations with this! I hear you though. Food is such an enemy/love of mine. I want to be able to get the fuel and love it too. I lost 50 lbs a few years ago and then gained it back last year. It's a constant battle that we won't fail because we will never quit! Just remember everyone has their bad days, everyone has their demons. The goal is to learn from them and move on. Eventually we will get there. Don't be afraid to reach out whenever you need an ear though!!

    Also, I sent you an invite to a team that does mini challenges. They are very active with them. I am not so good at it but want to get back on track with them. I like it because you don't get bored with one challenge and start to drop off. Anything to keep us motivated right?
    1808 days ago
    Good for you for letting it all out :) It does take time to reprogram ourselves with our "need" for food...or perceived "need" for it. It's a great start for you for being as aware as you are about it though. Good luck on your journey! emoticon
    1808 days ago
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