Sunday, February 10, 2013
(whining) : Yesterday we did my husband's and my Valentines day since we'll both be working.
Today, I'm back up to 230. Ugghhhh! I know I shouldn't weigh in everyday, but fig newton guys! I thought I was being careful. So much for that. I always do this when I first start out, it's like I'm purposely sabotaging myself. Why?? Maybe I really don't want change. Maybe I want to be lazy forever.
Truth be told, I would love to go down 50 lbs. I would love to be 180 again. Why is it so hard for me? I've done it before. I guess what will always be a struggle for me is food. Which I know for most of you must be sad. Sometimes I will struggle getting up and actually doing something. But, for the most part I will always have that fear that carried over from my childhood. What if this is the last time I'm going to eat? What if I won't be able to eat the rest of the day? I can't share my food because I always see it from survival point of view. I might not have food later to eat, so I will eat all this food.
It is absolutely ridiculous the power food has had over me. I mean, I try to this of it as fuel. That's all it is suppose to be for. So all that should matter to me is how to fuel my body properly for the day. Not what's tasty. Not what sounds good. What does my body need to get through the day? Food is Fuel, not meant to be a luxury or a treat. I just need to truly learn this, and I think most of my gaining weight problems will dissolve. (end of whining).
For the most part I just needed to rant. And have someone to rant too. To be honest, I wish I could find a spark team I wanted to be more active with. With challenges.
I wish I had someone to talk to about this mostly. I would tell my friends and family but most are not that supportive. I will have to just keep looking trying to find a group that posts often and maybe I could find a virtual 5k... Anything really.