Unpacking the baggage, the emotional baggage that is, before hopping into bed in hopes I will be able to sleep at some point tonight. Even though I know alreadyt that is not likely.
My daughter called at 10 pm tonight. She said she was frustrated about the people at work. Some of the employees it seems are behaving badly towards everyone including her, over little mishaps and a new boss is due to come in soon. She said all the stress at work is not worth the $200 a month she makes for weekend-only hours while she is in college. She has held a full time job since she was 16 (now 26) and has been with Chili’s for 3+ years. She cut to part-time this past October. She now says she wants to quit outright! I told her that I am sorry she is having a tough time of it at work and I can understand why she feels irritated. She responded with, “Well, if you want to, you and daddy can help out by giving me the $200 a month I make presently at Chili’s. until next January when I can apply for PT CNA work while I’m in Nursing School so I don’t have to work until then.” “Oh, so that is why you called?” I said to her. I knew she wanted something. She replied, “Well, you don’t have to but it certainly would help. Daniel (the boyfriend) is paying for everything else and this way I can concentrate more on school and won’t have to hassle with the stress at work." Presently she is on the Dean's List. I told her that I would discuss it with her dad but won’t promise anything. I also told her that if her dad agreed to do it, the family vacation in August (something DH and she cooked up within the last month) would be off. She than says, “Well we could still go for a weekend trip in August than next summer we could go on a bigger vacation as a graduation gift (for her of course). I mean after all Mom, $200 a month isn’t a big deal. It’s just my monthly cell and gym bill and some gas that you would be paying for." I replied, “WOW, so you want your dad and I to give you $200 a month for a year so you don’t have to work at all while in college, take you, Daniel and our grandson on a weekend getaway this summer as well as a take all of you on a LARGER vacation next year?” Believe me when I say, all I heard from her was… SHE WANTS! And there is nothing new about that. So I said, “hummm, where does this leave you and me?” “What do you mean?” she asked. To which I said, “Sweetheart, I have to be honest and say I, for one am not agreeable to your requests with things the way they presently stand between you and me. That would just be foolish! I am not sure about your dad but the way I see it is you would be getting all the perks in this deal as usual while I, your mom continues to be disrespected and treated badly by you. Not a fair arrangement if you ask me. It's just history repeating itself.
*End of Miss Nice!
She became quite upset and said that she and I were talking all nice and having a good conversation until I had to go and spoil it by bringing up our relationship. She said she has no plans to change anything between her and I. That I need to understand that this is the way it is and there is no point in going over anything. Everything that happens between her and I is my fault, not hers and I must come to understand that. She doesn’t need to do anything different with me from what she is doing now. She has her opinion of me and I am not someone she cares for. She is who she is and her feelings towards me are not about to change. She then hung up.
Well … that is the calmer version of the conversation, omitting of course the many insults and nasty names flung head on in my direction. She added that she knows now I won’t help her out so she guesses “she will just have to continue to work on the weekends because I will refuse to support her. She also doesn’t expect me to truly understand how hard she has it since I don’t have a “real life” of my own anyway. It’s funny how this all becomes my fault yet again and how only she has a life therefore what would I know of stress and hardship.
I fully expect at this point for her to cancel the plans this week that DH and I have with our grandson, a sleepover at our place Tuesday, and The Health Adventure and dinner on Wednesday. After all it is what she does best. I guess we will see come Tuesday.
For now I'll try to get some sleep. It's only 4 am after all!