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    OBSIDIANFIRE   5,215
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Crossroads - how much do I want it and what am I willing to do to get it?


Saturday, February 09, 2013

Today's assignment is to list all the reasons you want to lose weight. What do you want to change? How do you want to look? How do you want to feel? What things will you be able to do in the future with a slimmer healthier body? And list all the OTHER things that you want to change!
========== My knees will feel better. My blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar, and all those other little things you can't see, will stay good or better. I will not turn into my Mother; taking all kinds of meds for this that and the other thing. I want my clothes to fit right. I want to actually look like I work out as hard as I do. I don't want to be embarrassed to go to the doctors office. I want to be the mother whose kids are not embarrassed to say 'that's my Mom'. I want to set a good example for my family. I want to feel good, inside and out, in my brain as well as in my body.

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\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\For the purpose of this assignment a Trigger Food is defined as the one that gets you off course and you are not eating because you are truly hungry. A Trigger Situation is where you are, who you are with and what you are doing when this happens. Example Ė you are home alone, watching TV and you eat a cookie, then another and soon you are looting the kitchen for anything that looks good. Or you had good intentions about going out for dinner with a friend, but a high calorie appetizer and then a big dessert also landed in front of you. An hour later you regret that the binge and donít even want to think how many calories you just consumed! You tell yourself, I know better, why did I do? I wonít do that again!

Let's assess the Triggers -

List ALL your trigger foods. Is it a snack food or part of a meal? Are they sweet or salty? Hot, cold or room temperature? Carbs, comfort foods?
================ Come one, come all. Most likely to be something sweet, and lately I will overthrow healthy food in order to have room for sugar. Not a good pattern, and very unlike me.

What are the sources of the Triggers Foods? Is it a fast food restaurant? Drive thru? Food you order in? Grocery store? Convenience store? Meals at family or friends? Co-workers birthday cake? Treats from others?
===========You name it, I got it. I can bake, I can buy, I can receive!

Describe the most common situations where you reach for the trigger foods or snacks. What room are you in, what time is it, what are you doing, who is with you, and how do you feel? Are you tired? Are you eating to feel better? Are you rewarding yourself? Soothing yourself? Are you bored? By getting the food how does it make what you are doing better? What should you be doing at that time?
===============Most likely to be later afternoon; while making dinner or just after. Almost always by myself because I don't want to 'share' nor do I want my kids to see me. The only thing I've identified so far as a trigger is frustration. Over any number of things, but they are things that I have to deal with, yet have only minor amounts of control over. Choices I need to make, people I am going to disappoint, things I have to do that I don't want to do, a schedule I need to adjust but feel locked in to.......all sorts of things. And very little in the way of stress relief.

Do you see a pattern? What types of foods are you reaching for? Does convenient access make a difference? How can you better handle the situations to avoid the triggers and not binge or eat more than you should.
=============Yes, I am out of control. This is me on a binge: eyes closed, running full tilt toward a cliff, knowing full well I'm going over, and unable to rein myself in.
Convenience is huge. But then again, it takes all of 10 minutes to whip up a batch of brownies, sooooo............?

That is what this assignment is about - how will you not do that again? Can you pick a replacement habit or behavior that will cause you to pause, and think do I really want to do this, and why? Maybe it would help to walk away from the trigger - drink water, go for a walk, phone a friend, go outside, look out the window, brush your teeth, or play with your pet? Be consistent so you can develop the new habit.
=================== there's a big change I feel I need to make in my life, but I am not sure it is "the" change I need to make. I am having trouble deciding if this change I want to make is just because I'm frustrated with other things, or if this really is the thing that needs to change. And given that it will be a large change in many ways, I need to weigh it carefully before I plunge in. Why am I so unhappy and is this the answer or is it a case of "wherever I go, there I am"?

Write out your strategy to avoid the Triggers. Maybe itís baby steps to get you started or moderation. Donít be a perfectionist. Consider most of the time you will get it right.

What did you learn from doing this assignment? Anything else to add?

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\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\List YOUR reasons/excuses on why YOUR diets and exercise plans have not been well executed in the past. OK that might be too long a list, so give 3 or 4 reasons and for each write a strategy that will keep you on track for 8 weeks. Let's learn from our past behaviors and make this our best Challenge ever!

==============when I saw this on another sparker's blog, my comment was that I don't like to come out about my goals. Any goals. First off, I do NOT like being in the spotlight. So opening my mouth about something - especially important to me - would be lighting a match to myself. Secondly, I fail far more often that I succeed, so what would be the point? I try to make plans, good plans, but then a day later, heck an hour later, I've thrown them out because I just know "I can't". Plus, it seems these days I can't get 30 seconds to myself to think things all the way through; kinda hard to make good plans when you can't think them out.
My exercise habits are firmly in place, tho, and that's a good thing. No worries there!
It is hard to make new habits, new routines, when there is no support. It seems the harder I try, the more everything/one around me tries to derail it. I lose 10 lbs, the hubby says let's have date night and go out to dinner. Excuse me? Trying to fix one thing for everybody else and another for yourself? Yes, sure, I want to cook pancakes and bacon for all of you and a cup of yogurt for myself. Well, I do it, breakfast I don't mind it at all. Lunch, I get by because by then everyone is at school so it's just me, but all the same I'm flying to get here or there or pick up the youngster on time. Dinner, or rather when I walk in the house sometime after 3 pm, I lose it. I NEVER used to watch TV, now that's all I want to do. Dinner, I can snack my way thru the afternoon clear until and beyond dinner. Just watch me. I am flying off the cliff with my eyes closed and I just don't care.
I am up-ending all my hard work, losing over 100# was not easy and I really don't want to have to do it again. So why am I doing this to myself? Why cut my nose off to spite my face? I am so terribly angry and disappointed in my body for letting me down - the arthritis in the knees - I wonder will I ever run again? Or will it be like it is now - a struggle just to walk - for the rest of my life? So, this is how I handle it? By feeding myself junk and gaining weight I can ill afford? Coping skills are something I sadly lack. I never learned them growing up and apparently I still have not.
There's a board at our gym with the top mens and ladies lifts: dead lift, bench press, squats. A couple of those lifts, I know I could beat if I put my mind to it and work at it. And I might, work at it. But I won't tell anybody, and I sure as hell won't get my name on the board. Why not? Because I'm so afraid of failing, and I'm afraid of the social exposure. I don't know what to say to people when they comment or ask about things! I'm polite, but one-word answers don't really invite further conversation. And I'm not an exhibitionist, and the lifts have to be witnessed, so forget that.

What to do, what to do, what to do................

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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
LOVESTOWALK49 2/10/2013 1:14PM

    I can only offer you a cyber hug. I've never been more than twenty, perhaps thirty pounds overweight. I don't binge eat. I comfort eat, but I think all people do to some extent. Food is meant to give us pleasure. As a person that has never had a significant weight problem, it's hard for me to give advice. The act of writing the food I eat down makes me eat less. Always track what you eat. emoticon



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NELLJONES 2/10/2013 9:31AM

    One of the wonderful things about getting older (and believe me with gravity doing its thing it's nice to have SOMETHING!) is that I care less and less about what other people think. People just don't intimidate me like they used to, and most of them weren't even trying; I saw intimidation where there really wasn't any, just obliviousness. Hang in there and Time will do some of the magic.

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CHARITY1973 2/10/2013 3:06AM

    Wow, that is some exposure! But good on you. Most people reading this blog will get what you are talking about. There is a quote I love that goes, 'What is most personal is most universal'. We're all in this together.

As for the people pleasing, not failing, frustration...That was me a few years ago. But life kept yelling at me to get off the hamster wheel. Things just came to a head for me and I took action. For me in my circumstances it was leaving my dead marriage for an opportunity at love. But I had to cross massive social ostracizing, a new community and an opportunity to rethink what I want, really want.

And the outcome has been that I don't care anymore if people think poor of me or I fail in front of others. I complain now. I don't smile if I don't want to. I'm short or brief with people who are time wasters. It's not that I'm mean, rude or abusive, I just don't "beat around the bush" anymore. I don't take actions that are solely so someone will like me. If they like me it will be because they saw the real me anyway, not the fake me.

And I have so much more time for my well being. No meaningless interactions with people trying to make me like them and me trying to make them like me. How pointless! I do get a bit lonely without all the socializing but I try to make time for people who I am genuinely connected to and do lots of things with the family. The kids benefit most from my small social network.

Best of luck with your frustrations. I really understand how self destructive it can be.
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