THIS BLOG HAS BEEN EDITED INTO MY OWN WORDS DUE TO A REPORT TO THE COACHES, AND I APPRECIATE THE CHANCE TO DO SO...it is not done with malice it's done in the spirit of personal painful lessons that I've learned and hope to spare you or your precious children from.
I've never been one to live in the past. I try to take my lessons as they come, learn from them and then move on.
We really can't do anything to change our past, we certainly can take a good hard look at it and try our best to examine why it was brought to our attention in the first place and what we did to contribute to the situation. After the initial burn has passed we'd hope that we can be a problem confronter, an information gatherer, and a clear thinker and a solution finder who also lives in the real world.
Our world is not perfect, so we deal with the hand we've been dealt. It's also worth noting that not one of us...NO ONE is buffered from some pain in life...so if we can...we share our lessons and move on.
Today a big part of our families' painful past was uncovered on a Facebook post by one of Josh's (our son who we lost to a drug overdose) close friends.
This is about the kid that was staying at our house with Josh while we were away on a cruise with many friends celebrating our 28th wedding anniversary. What should have been a joyful and exhilarating event turned into the darkest day of our lives. This is the day that we were notified on a ship out at sea thousands of miles away that our son was dead. It was 7 years ago this coming May, but today it felt as if I had just heard about the tragedy for the very first time.
It's taken me a long time to digest the painful reality that we've lost our son. BUT the kid that we suspect induced Josh's overdose is still out there in the world creating havoc with other parents kids.
I'm editing a post that was brought to our attention for all my wonderful friends that have daughters, but also for the parents who can just as easily lose a son once a psychopath casts his evil shadow to single out and then proceed to snuff out the unsuspecting...those who exist and trust others... even evil ones.. with their trusting white light!
Remember the darkness is ALWAYS drawn to the pure white light.
Here's some of a father's Facebook post edited in my own words:
He tells that he is posting this message as a father who loves his daughter more than life itself and as just another human being has experienced the shock, dismay and horror (and the list continues) that accompanies the knowledge that his daughter has been the victim of ongoing physical and emotional abuse.
He tells us that it is a horrible story that must be dragged into the light, the perpetrator must be exposed. Anyone who can beat a woman half his size so badly that her blackened eyes are swollen shut and her ear drum is so badly damaged that the chances of a full recovery are remote is at the very least a menace to society and especially to women.
He says that this guy has no feelings of remorse whatsoever...in fact he thinks its funny.
I'd like to add that like any sociopath he is incapable of empathy or any feelings of guilt associated with his crimes. He is also a thief and a liar.
Charles states that his victims can be anyone who has the misfortune of simply knowing him. By the time he has weaseled his way into your life you are already on his victim list.
He tells that his family's lives have been permanently scarred, not to mention what this young man has done to is own family who finally had enough and turned him in to the police. He had been stealing them blind for years.
We found this to be true of what he did to destroy our world also with his association to our son Josh. Josh's former employer told us that he would come skulking into Josh's place of work and Josh would ask him to leave...but he waited outside for Josh to get off work like a vulture who circles it's prey.
Charles tells us that after serving jail time you would think; you would hope that he would at least attempt to alter his course a bit, but he hasn't.
He says that he continues to lie, steal and otherwise manipulate those who are closest to him. The name of this hollow shell of a man is Damien R. he lived in our town here in sunny SW FL, I've told many of my friends that I live in Bonita Springs.
He now resides a little north of here in a sleepy little town that is known for it's friendly open people...but this evil could fit in anywhere. I understand when this father tells us that he seethes with anger, hostility and a litany of other nonproductive emotions.
I relate when he crys with despair for what this demon has done to his baby girl, Jesse S.
He tells us that he would post images of her mangled face but she prefers that he not. Like many victims of abuse, she would like to sweep it under the rug, to pretend that none of it happened, that it was just a protracted, intense and surreal nightmare.
But unfortunately, of course, that's not the case and he can no longer sit idly by while this SOB continues to wreak havoc and bring indelible harm to his daughter.
This a warning to all...he says... beware of this person. To all women: Beware of this person named Damien R; his projected persona is just a disguise. He is truly a danger to anyone who has the misfortune of crossing his path.
I say yes...WE do know this to be true...our son is gone, this person took him from us!
A few comments were brought to my attention...this is NOT just one man's rant..these are the kids that went to school with this terrible person...THEY know!
We wish our Josh would have heeded their warnings about him..but Josh was always drawn to the under dog..in this case the underdog manipulated his goodness, his trust, this is the person who lured him to the dark side and he paid for his trust and his goodness with his own death.
Genaro H. (One of Josh's close friends)
I really am not one for sharing things such as this on facebook or spew spam. But since I actually know this piece of garbage who has never once thought to redeem himself, people should know the filth that he is.
I was "friends" with this person. I'm at a lost for words, my heart n prayers go out to her n her family.
People need to know about this piece of garbage. You have taken too much and from now on, deserve to reap what you sow.
Donandbobbi S. Yes, speaking of misfortune...we've met it. It wear's Damien's face.. which how appropriately means 'son of the devil'. (my personal observation)
Donandbobbi S. And speaking of no remorse...how does one who caused a death go so willingly to a memorial crying false crocodile tears? As a mother...I try to move on...but...it's hard to ignore evil..thanks Dan for sharing this. (my personal observation)
Tyler B's observation: That's despicable .. that guy should get his face caved in.
Donandbobbi S. My hubby's personal observation: I only wish that Josh could have seen this years ago...he would have been appalled...he had no patience for any man that laid a hand on a woman...He might still be here with us now...as a father I find this despicable and wish that I could turn back time.
I don't usually trash other people in public and I don't usually ever get sucked into commenting on someone else's rant unless the person involved is one that I know up close and personal. This person does NOT belong in society!
In this case...this kid looks like the typical Mr. Nice Guy...remember Ted Bundy? That's why as parents we can NEVER judge a book by it's cover. Believe me...some of the MOST attractive people are the very one's with heart's black as tar! Go with your gut..get to know a person before you form an opinion...AND until you DO...don't allow yourself to be bowled over by physicality.
One of Josh's most vivid tellings to me came in a dream. He said..."Gee mom, I REALLY like it up here. The people can't fool you by how they look on the outside. You see them from the INSIDE out. You aren't judged by how you look or what you have. You are judged on the good deeds that you share with others. Your goodness is your currency here mom. I like it MUCH better!"
Telling words to share with my friends who are parents...OR my young adult friends here on Spark who are navigating these land mines...telling words indeed.
In the beginning I really believed what Josh told me about Damien that he was a good guy that was just grossly misunderstood. That he was close to his mom and that he worked ALL the time. He hood winked our son and Josh was no 'Gullible Gilda.' But...I always wondered why Josh NEVER brought this kid over to our house...Josh knew...that I would sniff this guy out in a New York minute...he prevented that from happening until the very last moment when I met him while we HAD to leave to catch our boat. I should have followed my instinct and cancelled no matter WHAT our friends thought!
From the time that Josh met this kid it was only 6 short months until he was dead. I never met him before the morning that we left to catch our ship for the cruise. BUT when I did...every hair on my arms stood up. I can sense evil without understanding it.
Damien told me after I demanded to hear what had happened...that he took an entire bottle of Coriceden (over the counter cold medication) so I thought there was NO way he could have called 911 to help our son in his darkest hour. He was staying at the house with Josh and he HAD to have known the fatal circumstances he saw our son in. Josh's film that he left behind proved that he was in WAYYY bad trouble and Damien was in the background goofing off for the camera mugging...as if it were a fun day in the park.
When Josh's dad found that film and it's a miracle that Damien didn't take it from the house...he wanted to go after Damien with a vengeance. But...I chose to forgive... thinking that this gruesome lesson would be a major heart break to him and his family for the rest of his life.
He came to Josh's memorial against my better judgement (Josh's friends wanted blood) and sat with his parents crying like a baby. I thought he was remorseful.
From the recent situation shared by another broken hearted father...it appears that he was just a darn good actor. He hasn't learned a thing from the heartbreak that he has caused. Even jail time for drugs hasn't gotten through to him.
He is a predator. They ARE out there..protect your children from this evil. Protect YOURSELF from this evil.
My heartbreak is your lesson, my hope for him to become a better person was a false hope in the face of undeniable evidence! Sometimes false hope acts as a blindfold that deceives you and an anchor that prevents you from moving forward, don't be the Pollyanna that I and Josh were to people who deserve no second chances.
They ARE out there.
Peace and love!
This reopening of a wound I've been carrying resulted in a terrible eating day. For the first time in YEARS...when we went to the movies...I slathered my popcorn in butter!
My story about how some people NEVER deserve a second chance may protect you or your child from the reality of this poor beautiful girl's pain. She simply made the mistake of trusting a charming smile glued to the REAL face that hides behind the mask of evil.